Would You Erase Having Met Your Ex or Change Things to Prevent It?

The tender question of whether to erase having met your ex or change things to prevent a breakup is a common one. This dilemma is often mired in emotional turmoil and the longing to undo past mistakes. Let's explore the thoughts of individuals who have grappled with this decision and consider the implications of each path.

Erasing the Past: The Allure and Aftermath

The idea of erasing your ex from your past is tempting for many who feel cheated or betrayed. One individual expresses a heartbreaking account: 'I wanted to erase my first thing that is my girlfriend cheating me because I love her but my heart and I cant believe she cheated me.' The intensity of the pain is palpable, and the desire to undo the past is strong. However, such a scenario raises questions: would you still have your children? Would you still have the experiences that have shaped you into the person you are today?

Regret and Lessons Learned

Another individual reflects, 'No, I wouldn’t. I have a son and daughter that I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. I have them because I met and married her. I would never change having them.' This perspective highlights how the path taken can lead to unexpected but invaluable outcomes. The experience of being with an ex who cheated can be a deep learning experience, leading to emotional maturity and a better understanding of oneself and others.

Looking Back, Second Thoughts

A more complex viewpoint is evident in this response: 'yes i’d go back and just use her for sex. After the divorce and many women she was the best by far.' This individual considers the relationship from a purely physical standpoint, implying that the reason for regret might be solely emotional and not connected to the actual relationship dynamics. However, even here, the aftermath and the effects on the individual's life cannot be ignored.

Wasting Time and Moving On

Reflecting on the wasted time and opportunities, another person bemoans, 'I would go back in time and make it so that I never met her. Things were wonderful but it was tough. There were many times when I wanted to leave because of how tough it was but I never did. In the end, it was a waste of time. I wanted to be married by now. I didn’t want to be living in my parents’ house, an emotional wreck, without friends but that’s exactly where the breakup left me. I wish I never met her I wish I never wasted so much time on her.' This perspective underscores the value of focusing on the future and not allowing the past to define one's present.

A Do-Over: The Pros and Cons

Somewhat contradicting the previous viewpoint, another individual contemplates a hypothetical do-over: 'I’ve been thinking a lot about a “do-over.” If I had gone to the Puyallup School District, I wouldn’t have met the girl who set me up with my ex and I would never have met my ex. I would have graduated from college in 1980 and found a job teaching special needs children. Then I wouldn’t have met my first “boss,” another woman and a so-called friend. I would have started teaching in the fall of 1980 and retired in four years with 44 years of retirement income. I would be married, have children, one caveat. I somehow would have had my son. I'd be physically active and in great shape. I wouldn't be depressed, anxious, have fibromyalgia. I'd still have arthritis in my fingers but not my knees because I would have had an acceptable BMI.' This scenario presents a life dramatically different from the one they knew, filled with accomplishments and personal well-being.

Pros and Cons of Change

However, this do-over also has its downsides: 'I have yes and no for this. I'll explain why. Yes because it would probably brighten all those dark days that I spent sulking. I wouldn't have to live with that history buried somewhere deep inside my mind. I could have concentrated on meeting the girl whom I would end up marrying. I may have pursued a different career. I may have become another person altogether maybe more successful. No because it will erase all those days that I spent sulking and the experiences that in turn helped me to have a more matured and logical view towards life. I wouldn't have to live with that history and with no experience I may most likely screw up the relationship with this girl I ended up marrying, I love her. I may have pursued a different career which may have led to my downfall. I may have become another person altogether maybe unsuccessful. I can write 50 other reasons for yes and no but I hope you got the point.' This person's response highlights the nuanced tension between the positive and negative aspects of change.

Conclusion

Ultimately, the decision to erase having met your ex or change things to prevent the relationship from ending is a deeply personal one. It involves weighing the past, present, and future, appreciating the experiences that have shaped us, and making choices that reflect the kind of person we want to be. Whether one chooses to remain connected to the positive outcomes or to strive for something different, the key is to learn from the past and move forward with a clearer sense of direction and purpose.