Why is It So Hard to Believe After Someone Dies?
Believe it or not, death is an inescapable part of life, and sadly, it touches us all. I recently experienced a profound and jarring moment when my father passed away just a few days after I had visited him. My disbelief and sorrow were palpable, and the reality of his sudden departure felt like a cruel prank. This led me to question why it is so difficult to accept the loss of someone we care about.
Personal Experience
Even with my father, who had just completed radiation therapy and seemed to be getting better, I was caught off guard. His words, clear and sincere, about taking care of my mother if he didn't make the recovery seemed like they held a finality that I didn't quite comprehend. The finality of his passing hit me hard, especially when, during my last visit, he asked if I would return to visit, and just days later, those words felt like a cruel joke from the universe.
A similar experience occurred with a cousin of mine, whose death was so sudden that I first had to visit her funeral to truly accept the reality of the situation. This made me wonder if wakes and viewings are necessary to help us process and accept the loss of someone we love.
Reasons for Disbelief
Believing in the continued existence of loved ones, even after they have died, seems almost magical to our rational minds. A wake or viewing is a ritual that resembles the magic of a coin trick, where the magician manipulates the attention to hide a sudden disappearance. Our senses and rational thinking are designed to give us a sense of control, and the unexpectedness of a sudden death can seem like a violation of that control.
Many people struggle with the concept of the afterlife because it doesn't conform to their rational understanding of the world. In a similar way, some argue that technological advancements, such as those made by Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Edison, were initially met with skepticism and disbelief. It is as if our minds resist accepting the spiritual or metaphysical when it doesn't align with our rational, scientific understanding.
Impact of Bereavement on Belief
Despite the disbelief, I can still reasonably believe in the basic necessities of life, such as making sure to eat a balanced diet, the promise of a sunrise tomorrow, and the probability of a peanut butter-and-banana spread landing sticky side down on toast. These beliefs are grounded in rational, empirical observations and experiences.
However, after someone passes away, the belief in their continued existence is not so easily rationalized. The absence of a logical reason to believe that you will see them again in heaven or hell adds to the difficulty of accepting their loss. The sudden departure of a loved one leaves our minds unprepared to process such a profound and irrevocable change.
The shell-shocked state that accompanies a sudden loss often leaves us in a state of pure disbelief, floundering between the real world and the imagined world of hope. It is a mental and emotional process that can take days, weeks, or even months to fully comprehend and accept.
Conclusion
The difficulty in believing after someone dies is deeply rooted in the human mind's struggle to process loss. It is a moment that tests our faith in both the rational and the spiritual aspects of life. Wakes and viewings serve as a bridge, providing a tangible reminder of the deceased and a space for the bereaved to begin the journey of acceptance.
Ultimately, the struggle to believe in the absence of a loved one is a testament to the strength of our emotional bonds. While death is a universal experience, the pain of its loss is uniquely personal and personal.