Why Would an Atheist Want a Church Wedding

It often strikes us as peculiar that an atheist might so willingly participate in a church wedding. After all, to an atheist, a place of worship can seem just as earthly a construct as any other building. However, beneath the surface, there lies a deeper rationale that often goes unspoken. This article aims to delve into the reasons behind why an atheist might choose to host a church wedding, exploring the layers of symbolism and social norms that play a crucial role.

Symbolism and Social Norms

Every single thing you say or do is indeed said or done in front of God, even what you think. This perspective stems from the idea that religious rituals, including weddings, carry significant symbolic weight. An atheist might partake in a church wedding not because of a belief in the divine but because of the profound symbolism inherent in the ceremony.

People marry one another with vows to one another before God, regardless of whether witnesses are present for state and/or church purposes. The pastor, or other officiant, serves as a witness, officiating the union and ensuring that the ritual requirements are met by the couple. The clergy member acts as a representative of the faith, which brings us to the next point.

Family Considerations

An atheist might not want a church wedding or may be entirely indifferent to the venue. However, many find themselves in a position where they must consider the religious beliefs of others, especially in the context of family relationships. In such cases, an atheist might be willing to accommodate their partner’s or family's wishes to respect and honor their beliefs, even if it goes against their own convictions.

Personal Experience: A Catholic Ceremony

My wife and I were both atheists when we were married. Yet, we chose to have a Catholic church wedding for reasons that primarily revolved around her parents. Her father was a strict Catholic, and her mother adhered to his teachings. There had been past conflicts when her siblings wanted to get married outside the Catholic tradition, leading to their parents refusing to attend some weddings. My wife, as the youngest of six siblings, decided that she didn't want to recreate that scenario and thus opted for a church ceremony that would assuage her in-laws' concerns.

The Meaning Behind Vows

It is also worth considering why certain vows are given in the presence of a higher power, even for those who do not believe in God. To my wife, the vows resonated as deeply profound, even if her faith wasn't involved. In truth, the act of saying the vows directly to each other, under the watchful eyes of family and friends, carries a different kind of weight and significance. It's about love, commitment, and unity, rather than divine intervention.

A Personal Insight: Putting It All Together

My personal insight comes from a perspective where my then-fiancée, who was still a practicing Catholic, wanted a church wedding. She wanted to ensure that her parents and family were at ease, knowing their strong religious beliefs meant so much to them. After a mandatory city hall ceremony, we celebrated the day in a church setting to satisfy her needs, bringing the family together in a way that both respected their beliefs and honored our union.

Final Thoughts: Celebrating Differences

It's important to note that these are just the surface-level reasons behind the decisions made by atheists who participate in church weddings. Beyond the practical and familial aspects, there lies a deeper understanding of the importance of symbolism, heritage, and the power of tradition. The decision to host a church wedding can be deeply personal, rooted in love, respect, and the desire to bridge the gap between beliefs and come together as one.

Footnotes

1. If you don’t understand the peculiarities of weddings in Germany, the movie "I Was a Male War Bride" offers a hilarious and informative look at why anyone wanting a religious wedding in Germany needs to get married twice or even three times if you happen to be an alien spouse of United States Armed Forces personnel en route to the United States of America. If you do know the reason, it's worth watching anyway.