The Puzzle of Autism and Conflict Avoidance

Autism is a neurological difference that affects many aspects of an individual's life, including social interactions, sensory processing, and emotional regulation. Many people with autism tend to be conflict-avoidant, a behavior that can be perplexing to those unfamiliar with the condition. In this article, we explore the reasons behind this behavior, drawing from personal insights and empirical observations.

Stress and Autistic People

Autistic individuals often live in a state of heightened stress, even when undiagnosed or unsupported. This chronic stress can make everyday tasks — let alone challenging social situations — overwhelming. For someone who is already at a baseline stress level of 7/10, a conflict could push them to a 9 or 10. Conversely, starting at a lower stress level allows for a more manageable transition. Therefore, it's no surprise that many autistic individuals avoid conflict to protect their well-being.

Social Interactions and Conflicts

Normal social interactions, already demanding, are a challenge for many autistic individuals. Difficult or uncomfortable social situations can feel like a nightmare. This is particularly true for situations involving conflict or potential violence. When faced with such scenarios, individuals with autism often seek to escape, just as one would avoid a nightmare or a claustrophobic situation. This response is a natural coping mechanism to minimize anxiety and stress.

Learned Customs and Logical Approaches

While conflict is a part of life, the way it is handled can influence its intensity. For instance, a colleague at a large aircraft firm reacted violently in a meeting. However, we might prefer a more subdued approach. Disagreements can be handled constructively without resorting to physical or aggressive behavior. This understanding and the way conflicts are managed are logical and beneficial for everyone involved, especially those with autism.

Intelligence and Conflict Avoidance

Sometimes, the tendency to avoid conflict can be seen as a smart, calculated decision. This is particularly true for individuals with autism who are aware of their condition. When others accuse them of starting a conflict, it's important to remember that autistics often prefer a smoother, less confrontational approach. This behavior can be both a strength and a source of frustration, especially in a world that sometimes misinterprets it.

The Role of Emotions and Sensory Overload

Autism can affect emotional regulation and sensory processing. Emotions can feel overwhelming for many autistic individuals, leading to meltdowns, shutdowns, and even burnout. Arguments can be both physically and emotionally painful, causing sensory overload and dysregulation. The combination of autism with other conditions such as PTSD, ADHD, and BPD can exacerbate these issues, leading to complex emotional responses.

Individual Differences in Autistic Individuals

Each autistic individual is unique, with different experiences and symptoms. For example, some may experience intense hyperempathy, which can lead to heightened sensitivity during conflicts. Others might have hypoempathy, finding it difficult to understand the emotions of others. These differences can significantly impact how conflicts are handled, making it crucial to understand the individual's unique needs and triggers.

Conclusion

The phenomenon of conflict avoidance among individuals with autism is rooted in a combination of stress, social challenges, emotional regulation, and sensory processing. Understanding these underlying causes can help foster a more supportive and inclusive environment. By recognizing the intelligence and rationality in conflict avoidance behaviors, we can better support and communicate with autistic individuals, leading to more positive outcomes for all.