Why Do Narcissists Persist in Our Minds?

Narcissists are known for staying in our minds long after they leave our lives. This article explores why this happens, the psychological impacts it can have on victims, and provides insights into breaking free from their unwarranted hold.

Understanding Hoovering and Why Narcissists Stay

Narcissists often engage in a manipulative behavior known as hoovering, where they engage and disengage in a cycle to maintain their hold over their target. This can be likened to my grandmother's saying, 'They don’t want the milk but don’t want anyone else to have it.' Hoovers are designed to recreate feelings of hope and attachment, making victims feel special and then undermining them, creating confusion and doubt.

I am sorry the truth hurts, but you need to hear it smack in your face. Narcissists use hoovering to keep their position just in case, and it is a clear sign that their departure is not final. Being manipulated in this way can significantly affect you, especially in terms of your emotional health and self-esteem.

The Psychological Impact on Victims

A relationship with a narcissist can leave lasting effects on a victim's mind, body, and soul. Escaping such a relationship is a significant achievement and sets the stage for long-term healing. However, it's normal to still feel an attachment due to a phenomenon known as trauma bonding. This is a type of learned attachment behavior that can develop between a victim and the abuser, where the victim feels a powerful emotional connection despite being subjected to abuse.

You’re likely to still feel an attachment to the relationship because of something called trauma bonding, but these feelings will eventually fade with time. This bond can be incredibly damaging and difficult to let go of, but with time and self-care, healing is possible. It's important to remember that life is short, and you should spend it with people who lift you up, not bring you down.

The Sexual Aspect of Hoovering

Their behavior often leaves a lasting emotional impact, but it isn't just emotional manipulation at play. Narcissists often hoover through sexual means, trying to make you re-adopt the persona you had when you were in love with them. They want to keep you dependent and feel a sense of control.

"They Hoover for sex mostly. For me anyway, they or those toxic people want me to be who I used to be when I thought I was madly in love with these people. I am not that girl anymore. This can be a deeply damaging and confusing experience, as the line between past and present becomes blurred.

Understanding the Persistence of Narcissists in Our Minds

Narcissists stay in our minds for several reasons:

Emotional Impact: Their behavior often characterized by manipulation and intense emotional experiences can leave a lasting psychological impact. Confusion and Self-Doubt: Tactics like gaslighting can lead to self-doubt and a persistent questioning of your own perceptions and reality. Trauma Bonding: If the relationship had cycles of abuse and affection, it can create a strong but unhealthy bond that's hard to break. Seeking Closure or Understanding: Trying to make sense of their actions or seeking closure from a relationship that ended without clear reasoning can keep them lingering in your thoughts. Impact on Self-Esteem: Their behavior might have affected your self-esteem leading to ongoing thoughts about the relationship and its impact on your self-worth.

These factors, combined, can make it challenging to move on, keeping the narcissist prevalent in your thoughts. It is a testament to the powerful hold they can have over their victims.

Conclusion and Further Reading

Breaking free from the grasp of a narcissist is not easy but possible. If you're struggling with these issues, consider seeking professional help to support your healing journey. Remember, you have the strength and resilience to overcome this encounter with a narcissist.