Why Borderlines Get Jealous When They See Their Favorite Person with Others
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) can manifest in various ways, one of which is jealousy. It is a common and understandable emotion, but for those with BPD, it can be profoundly intense and disruptive. This article will explore why individuals with BPD get jealous when they see their favorite person with others and provide insight into the underlying psychological dynamics.
The Loneliness of Childhood
Those with BPD often feel like their favorite person is akin to a cherished toy from their childhood. They cannot stand the thought of this person being shared or playing with someone else. This attachment can stem from a deep-seated need for validation and control. When they perceive their favorite person with others, they may feel that this activity undermines the exclusive, loving relationship they wish to have. This jealousy is often linked to fear of abandonment, another core trait of BPD.
Two Minds in One Body
Individuals with BPD often experience a split between a rational and an irrational mindset. The rational part understands that their favorite person has their own life and cannot be available 24/7. However, the irrational part struggles to process this reality, especially when triggered by past traumatic experiences. These memories can lead to feelings of being betrayed and abandoned, even when there is no actual reason for such emotions.
Intertwined Emotions: Abandonment and Self-Image
When someone with BPD sees their favorite person spending time with others, it can trigger a myriad of complex emotions. The fear of abandonment is one of the primary feelings. For example, the author recounts a traumatic experience with a previous best friend. When this friend engaged in conversation with someone else in their presence, it triggered insane jealousy. The author felt a sense of discarding and a loss of significance, indicating a deep-seated fear of not being valued by their favorite person.
The Role of 'Strategic Splitting'
The phenomenon known as 'strategic splitting' is another key factor in triggering jealousy. This involves the person feeling devalued at certain times and favored at others. When an individual with BPD sees their favorite person with others, it can trigger a period where they feel less important, leading to intense jealousy. A common scenario involves the person being wary of advice from their favorite person, especially if the advice is not taken to heart. In such cases, the individual might feel triggered and experience heightened emotions.
Coping with Intense Jealousy
Given the intensity and unpredictability of jealousy in people with BPD, seeking professional help is often necessary. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be particularly effective in addressing these emotions by teaching individuals to recognize and challenge irrational thoughts. Mindfulness exercises can also help ground individuals in the present moment, reducing feelings of abandonment and distrust.
Conclusion
Jealousy in individuals with BPD is a multifaceted experience. It is often rooted in childhood experiences and the need for exclusive love and validation. Understanding the psychological complexities behind these feelings can help in managing them effectively. By seeking professional guidance and learning coping mechanisms, individuals with BPD can navigate their emotions more healthily and foster stronger, more balanced relationships.