The Dilemma of Parent Visitation
Why do my adult children insist on me coming to visit them, even when it involves a three and a half hour drive through ice and snow, especially when I’m almost 60? Couldn't these three men come see me instead?
It's a question that stretches beyond the mere logistics of a journey. The desire to visit one's children often stems from a deep-seated wish for connection and family time. However, the older we get, the more we weigh the pros and cons of travel. Here’s a closer look at the factors influencing this decision and some strategies for enhancing family communication.
Understanding the Reasons Behind the Desire to Visit
One of the principal reasons why your adult children want you to visit is a genuine desire for family time. Hosted in their own homes, they can create cherished memories particularly if they have children of their own. The act of showing you their home environment allows them to share a part of their life with you, turning the visit into a meaningful experience.
Comfort and convenience also play a significant role. Hosting you in their homes offers them control over the environment, ensuring that everything is cozy and to your liking during your stay. The challenge of the weather, especially the ice and snow, adds an extra layer of concern for their parent’s safety and comfort.
From a perspective of distance, your children might view a three and a half hour drive as a manageable distance. They likely have the time and resources to make it happen, making it easier for them to accommodate your visit without undue stress or discomfort.
Age and mobility are other critical factors. Safety is a primary concern when it comes to travel, particularly in harsh winter conditions. Your children may worry about your well-being and comfort during such a journey, possibly perceiving travel as risky.
Perception and Realities of Age
It's important to recognize that while 60 may seem young in terms of the ability to travel, it still carries its own set of challenges. The reluctance to travel may not be a reflection of age but rather a concern for safety. It's also worth noting that your children might not fully grasp the logistical hurdles you face. Open communication, sharing your feelings, and concerns about travel, can help bridge any gaps in understanding.
Consider, too, that your children's offer might be genuine but not a reflection of their ability to understand your situation. A younger and more vibrant lifestyle, in their perceptions, might not automatically make travel too challenging. Offering practical solutions, such as air travel if ground transport is not feasible, and arranging visits to alternate times can be beneficial.
Options and Compromises
Instead of always acting as if 60 is too old to travel, reflect on the various options available. For instance, if they can get you air travel, this could make the journey much easier and safer. If travel costs are a concern, consider taking turns, making it more manageable for both parties. Zoom calls can also help maintain the connection, ensuring that the visits, whether physical or digital, are as meaningful as possible.
Perhaps most importantly, encourage your children to make a concerted effort to visit you. You can propose a visit plan, such as coming to see you for Mother’s Day, and they could come in November or December. These compromises can help ensure that both your families and you can enjoy each other's company in a way that respects everyone’s needs and limitations.