When Was Your Last Time Questioning Yourself: A Journey Towards Mental Wellness
Reflecting on my past, one of the most significant times I questioned myself was during a period filled with overwhelming feelings of despair and self-doubt. These days were swathed in the bitter scent of suicide, moments where I lost myself the most. The root of these turbulent emotions was DEPRESSION.
The Middle Class Conundrum: Learning to Control Feelings
As a member of a middle-class family, I quickly learned the importance of managing my emotions. However, my journey towards understanding and accepting my mental health challenges was fraught with difficulties. It was during one such bout of despair that I began a profound self-reflection. I realized that I was dealing with depression, and I was the architect of my own struggles. I questioned if I was useless and whether others would care about me in the future.
The Descent into Darkness and the Path to Light
The spiral of thoughts was dark and unyielding. I questioned if my life would progress as desired—would I achieve career success, find happiness, maintain peace, and form meaningful connections? Would my parents and neighbors still care for me? These questions weighed heavily on me, and at one point, I seriously contemplated ending my life. However, my inner voice, which I call my 'intelligent me', mercifully stopped me.
I pondered the futility of such an end. Would my soul still be able to see my loved ones, to feel their care and presence? Would reincarnation offer a better existence than the human one? These thoughts led me to reflect on my spiritual growth and my place in life.
A Journey to Self-Acceptance
One of the most significant instances of self-reflection occurred when I was admitted to a psychiatric ward. A worker discharged me, stating that I was 'too well to be there'. Though I know I still face challenges, this statement brought a sense of validation and relief. It affirmed that I had made progress in my mental health journey.
Self-reflection is an ongoing process. I continue to examine my feelings, behaviors, and the present state of my well-being. While I no longer require extensive medical intervention, I still acknowledge the importance of continuous self-awareness. Reflecting on my past, I realize that I am significantly closer to a state of well-being than I was many years ago.
It's essential to recognize that self-reflection is a journey, not a destination. It's a way to understand ourselves better, to grow, and to find peace within ourselves. Let's embrace the power of self-reflection to navigate the complexities of life and mental health.