What to Do When Best Friends Don’t Ask You to Be a Bridesmaid

When best friends don’t ask you to be a bridesmaid, it can cause a range of emotions from disappointment to outright anger. Each person handles the situation differently, and it's important to navigate these feelings and moves forward healthily.

A Common Phenomenon

My best friend and maid of honor got engaged, but since I was pregnant with my first child, she didn’t ask me to be a bridesmaid. It was a mix of disappointment and hurt, especially considering I came from a small town where bridesmaids were always visibly pregnant. She later told me that she felt relieved that it wouldn’t be a big deal, which made me even more bewildered. Her words might have mitigated my disappointment, but the wound still felt fresh.

Recently, the same feeling resurfaced in another similar scenario involving friends from kindergarten. Having known them since we were young, the emotional impact was profound. The fact that I was still bothered about this issue even years later shows how deeply it can affect friendships.

Handling the Situation Gracefully

Would you be upset if your best friend didn’t ask you to be a bridesmaid? The honest answer is, maybe. The reason isn’t always clear—the best friend might not think of you as her best friend, or she might be worried that you would outshine her. Regardless, it is her wedding day, and her choices are more crucial than your emotions.

Upping the ante, anger can arise if the bridesmaid wasn’t asked at all but instead, the sister who has a mental disorder was chosen. This can lead to complexities in your response. I would feel devastated, try to uncover the reason, and may even question attending the wedding. It's a delicate balance between persistence and letting go.

Enduring Examples

It's important to note that not every instance ends in anguish. In two instances involving my best friend, who has been married twice, she didn’t ask me to be a bridesmaid at either of her weddings. These instances involved different situations each time:

For the first wedding, it was a quick courthouse ceremony when she was pregnant, which I understood and accepted. No grounds for complaint existed here. For the second wedding, a large and whimsical event, she decided it was best to involve her adult daughters, making it clear that her own children take precedence. She also involved my daughter, which added a personal touch.

In both instances, I understood and respected her choices, demonstrating the resilience and adaptability of true friendship.

Final Thoughts

Allowing your emotions to dictate your response to not being asked can be challenging. However, it's essential to maintain your dignity and respect for the other person's choices. It’s crucial to acknowledge and process your feelings but not let them overshadow your relationship. If you find yourself still upset months later, consider talking to the friend and expressing your feelings calmly.

Ultimately, the key is to move past the initial hurt and remember what truly matters in your friendship. Whether it’s spending quality time together, supporting each other in life’s challenges, or sharing happy moments, these are what build a lasting bond. Sometimes, finding the perfect wedding party is just a means to celebrate love, and you may not always be part of it, but that’s okay. What are the other ways you and your best friends celebrate together?