What Single Thing Do People Fear Most As They Turn 80?
As someone who is 78 and still quite active, I can reflect on the fears that increasingly gnaw at the minds of individuals approaching their eighth decade of life. The most pressing fear seems to be the potential loss of Social Security, a benefit that individuals have paid into for over 50 years. This fear is not solely based on economic concerns but also on the desire to remain independent and contribute to society.
Control and Independence
Commenting on the worries of my peer group, those in their early 60s, we fear the loss of control. This comes from the very real possibility of cognitive decline, whether due to dementia, a stroke, or an accident. The fear is not merely of losing our memories, but of not knowing what we are doing or saying. The fear of being a burden is profound, as many want to remain contributing members of society rather than burdens on their families or on public resources.
Nevertheless, if we are still in possession of our mental faculties, the prospect of aging is generally well-tolerated. However, as we approach our early 70s, the concern for mobility becomes significant. The fear of becoming unable to ambulate, drive, or perform basic household chores independently can be overwhelming. This is especially pertinent for those who have always been “on the go” and value their independence.
Health and Quality of Life
The fear of dementia is perhaps the most common among those turning 80. Statistics can be sobering: one in six individuals of this age will forget who they are and everyone they know. While medical advancements are helping to mitigate the effects of dementia, the thought of what lies ahead is a formidable concern for many. The focus on health and the preservation of mental acuity becomes a primary concern as the years tick by.
The Double-Edged Sword of Aging
Ageing is also a matter of life's end, encompassing both the process of dying and the existential questions that come with it. Some fear a long and painful death, while others hope for a swift, inexpensive demise. Yet, the true apprehension arises with the transition from life to death and the myriad of questions that come with it. Beliefs about an afterlife, the nature of the journey, and fear of suffering can loom large in the minds of octogenarians. These are not just religious concerns but also deeply personal and existential.
Final Promises and Promises to Be Kept
Beyond health and economic security, the fear of becoming unnecessary can be jarring. Reflecting on Robert Frost's poem "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening," I find resonance in the lines: “The woods are lovely, dark and deep, But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.” My life has been a series of promises, formal and informal, that I have sworn to keep. Promises to my family, to my community, and to myself to treat others decently, provide for my family, and do my best in all that I undertake.
Now that my children are grown and my wife may precede me in life, the thought of having no more promises to keep leaves a sense of emptiness. In the end, what could be more terrifying than the prospect of no longer contributing to the world, no longer having a purpose in life, and ultimately, the final sleep that comes with it?
As we approach 80, the fears are multifaceted and deeply personal. Whether it is the fear of losing independence, the looming specter of cognitive decline, the fear of death, or the existential dread of becoming unnecessary, these fears shape our final journey through life. Understanding these fears is crucial not only for ourselves but also for those around us to provide the support needed during these critical years.