Understanding and Overcoming Fear: A Journey of Self-Discovery and Empowerment
Facing one's fears can evoke intense emotions such as anxiety, panic, and uncertainty. However, with determination and proper support, individuals can gradually overcome their fears and experience a sense of empowerment and liberation. This journey of understanding and conquering fears often inspires others to take similar steps towards overcoming their anxieties.
Conquering Fear: A Personal Perspective
Fear is not something to be defeated or challenged; it is a message telling us that something isn't right. It gives us a sense of motivation, like being in a state of war to fight these fears. However, perhaps fears are not to be fought but understood. They are telling us something about what is underneath. The first step is to understand what these fears are telling us. Once we do that, we can assess whether it is a valid or irrational thought and decide what to do about it.
Conquering fear is about consistent practice and coaching ourselves into action. For example, in the realm of public speaking, even after much preparation and practice, nervousness is still felt. Yet, the ability to perform better in public speaking can be achieved through repeated exposure and practice.
Physical Fears: A Motorcycle Adventure
One of the most profound physical fears I've faced and mostly overcome was motorcycling. Throughout my 20s, motorcycling was an important part of my identity, but after a serious back injury in 1979, I gave it up. The injury eventually healed, and each spring, I longed to join other motorcyclists on the back roads but continued to stay away.
At a family event, I admitted my longing to ride again. My brother Paul suggested I could have his motorcycle if I would come and get it. That spring, I read two books on motorcycle safety, bought a helmet, and took a bus ticket to Syracuse, NY. I gave myself two days to re-learn motorcycling and another two for the trip home. I figured I'd either pick up riding right away or give up the idea for good. Either way, I'd be freed from longing.
At 6 a.m. on my first riding day, fear hit me like a rogue wave as soon as I got on the bike, and I was drenched in sweat before reaching our destination, a mere five long minutes away. Once there, I screeched tires on downshifts, stalled on braking, took turns too wide, and overshot stop lines – errors that could have been fatal in highway traffic. An inner voice kept shouting, "Don't be stupid. Give up. You'll never make it home."
After 20 minutes, I parked the bike, pulled off my helmet, and told Paul, "I don't think I can do this." But his response was, "Looked like you were doing okay to me." We talked, and soon realized that both of us often felt like quitting just at the verge of success.
From that parking lot crisis forward, I noticed that although each new challenge was scary as the last, what had previously been terrifying wasn't scary anymore. The fear seemed the same, but I was actually making progress. I realized I would continue to do so as long as I kept on riding. By the end of the second day, I was ready for the 350-mile trip home.
The ride was a white-knuckle experience, with wet roads, grooved pavement, railroad tracks, and drivers who seemed intent on killing me. I had many mini-therapy sessions at 60 mph with my adult self and the panic-stricken child within. Eventually, I reached the final stretch of the challenging highway, where the rain and wind came to an end. "We're almost there," I told my inner child, "we can't die now!" In the '70s, my brothers and I talked about riding together, but never pulled it off. That September, we went on a group ride together, and it was great.
Lessons Learned and Reflections
This battle with fear yielded several boons. The obvious was regaining the thrill and sense of gracefulness I'd always gotten from motorcycling. Unexpected were the deeper connections I had with my brothers, who we ride with as often as we can. Most surprising were the lessons I learned about overcoming fear, which I have since modeled in various aspects of my life, including my role as a therapist and as a person.
In my book Paths to Wholeness: Fifty-Two Flower Mandalas, you can find a collection of reflections like this one, delving into what I've learned as both a therapist and as a person.
Whether your fear is emotional or physical, understanding and facing it can lead to significant personal growth and empowerment. If you are seeking to conquer your fears, start with understanding what the fear is trying to tell you, assess its validity, and take consistent steps to overcome it.
David