Understanding Visitation: A Southern American Tradition and Its Significance

Visitation, often confused as an unwritten rule of funerals, is a deeply rooted and cherished tradition in the American South. It is a practice that allows mourners to pay their respects to the deceased and to reconnect with family and friends in a non-formal, more casual atmosphere. This article delves into the reasons behind this custom, its benefits, and its significance in the broader context of American funeral customs.

The Southern Visitation Tradition

The American South has a unique approach to funerals, which often include a combination of formal and informal elements. Visitation is more than just a prerequisite; it is a cultural phenomenon. Unlike rigidly formal funerals, visitations allow attendees to relax and share personal stories and memories about the deceased. For many, it is a way to reflect on the life of the person who has passed away and to seek solace in the company of others who share the same loss.

Retired Hospice Chaplain's Perspective

As a retired hospice chaplain with over 22 years of experience, I have witnessed the unique dynamics of these social gatherings first-hand. At these events, a mixture of relatives, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances gather to honor the deceased. The visitation typically involves an open casket where loved ones can pay their last respects.

The wake is a time for reflection, where people who have traveled some distance can see their loved one for the last time. It's a laid-back time where people can find out things about the deceased and the larger scope of their life.

For clergy members like myself, the visitation provides a unique opportunity to connect with mourners in a more personal and individualized manner. With the services often serving an ancient ritualistic function, the visitation acts as a bridge between the individual and their community, while also providing a sense of comfort and closure in a non-formal setting.

Flexibility in Funeral Dates

One of the most important aspects of Southern funeral customs is the flexibility in scheduling. Families have the freedom to select any suitable date for the funeral, so long as it is free for the local funeral service to arrange. This flexibility is crucial in ensuring that the event can be held at a time that is convenient for both the family and the attendees.

The family can choose a date that is within 7 days and spend as many days as they like with their deceased family members, as I did with my family members who passed away.

I have personally experienced multiple wake sessions with my deceased family members, spending as much time as I needed to be present. This flexibility allows mourners to have a double chance to pay their respects, ensuring that none miss the chance to say a final goodbye or catch up with others.

Practical Considerations

Practical considerations such as work schedules or travel arrangements can sometimes prevent people from attending the actual service. A visitation provides a second opportunity for mourners to express their condolences, attend to their grief, and share stories. This is especially beneficial for those who may be busy during the day or need the additional time to travel to the location of the funeral.

The Optimal Number of Viewings

While the tradition of a second viewing is deeply ingrained, there is debate about the necessity and practicality of having two viewings, one during the day and one in the evening, particularly for large crowds. For most families, a single viewing that aligns with the funeral service is sufficient. For instance, in the case of my parents, one-day funeral was perfectly adequate, and a second viewing was not necessary. Trying to accommodate such a schedule can lead to unnecessary stress and complications.

Conclusion

The tradition of visitation in the Southern United States is much more than a mere formality. It is a culturally significant practice that allows for personal and communal reflection, social connections, and individual healing. While the custom has its roots deep in tradition, it also offers practical benefits and provides a meaningful opportunity for grief to be shared and honored.