Introduction
The societal pressures and expectations surrounding arranged marriages in India can often feel overwhelming and even toxic for individuals. My personal journey of navigating through this system, despite my content life, sheds light on the complexities and challenges faced by many young Indians.
Arranged Marriages in Indian Culture
My experience began when my family decided to arrange a marriage for me after my two failed relationships. This decision, made three years ago, has been a significant part of my life ever since. While my family's determination is commendable, their view of marriage as a solution to personal fulfillment is quite outdated and distressing.
Interestingly, my life is currently in a perfect headspace. At thirty years old and living a writer's life on a bike, I am content and have no immediate urgency for marriage. However, my parents and family members see things differently. They believe that at this age, missing out on the joys of marriage can be detrimental. Furthermore, as the eldest in the family, the pressure to be married by now is greater.
Parental Pressure and Cultural Norms
The practice of parental pressure in the Indian context stems from deep-rooted cultural norms. For many Indian families, marriage is not just a personal decision but a societal expectation. Parents often feel their child's failure to marry is a reflection on them, leading to further frustration and stress.
The importance of financial stability and property in marriage is a common theme in arranged marriages. While these factors are valid considerations, their prominence overshadows the emotional and personal compatibility needed for a successful union. These norms are perpetuated through the use of matrimonial sites, where profiles are meticulously curated and evaluated based on superficial criteria.
Matrimonial Sites and Profile Scrutiny
Over the past three years, my parents have been using matrimonial sites to find suitable partners for me. Every week, I am compelled to review profiles and engage in the process, albeit reluctantly. It feels like a combination of a shopping experience and a product search, where compatibility is measured by factors such as salary and property.
The implementation of these standards on matrimonial sites reflects the prevalent mindset in Indian society. However, these norms often clash with modern values and the reality of personal choice and individual happiness. The pressure to adhere to these archaic norms can be incredibly stressful and serve as a significant barrier to personal fulfillment.
Challenges and Rejection
The norms of arranged marriages can lead to unexpected and hurtful rejections. For instance, I have faced instances where I was rejected due to my darker complexion, depression, or lack of an engineering degree. While these rejections are disheartening, they also serve as reminders of the rigid and often discriminatory structures in place within Indian society.
The questions I have been asked, such as my income tax and whether I can pay for my future wife's MD degree, highlight the underlying financial and social pressures driving the matchmaking process. Unfortunately, these expectations do little to foster a genuine connection or compatibility.
Towards a More Progressive Society
While progress is being made, it is crucial to recognize the extent to which cultural norms still hold sway. The idea that marriage can solve personal issues or that financial stability should be the primary concern in a relationship is not only outdated but also detrimental to individual happiness and well-being.
It is time for a shift in mindset, where personal choice, emotional compatibility, and mutual respect take precedence over superficial criteria. As individuals like myself and others continue to voice our opinions and experiences, we can work towards a more progressive and inclusive society.
In conclusion, while arranged marriages remain a significant part of Indian culture, it is essential to challenge and evolve these norms to ensure that personal happiness and fulfillment are the ultimate goals.