The Wounding Words of Motherhood: A Personal Story
For those of us who have faced harsh words from our mothers, the impact can be profound and long-lasting. In this personal story, I will share some of the most hurtful things my mother has ever said to me, exploring the emotional impact and the lessons I have learned from these experiences.
Turning a Relationship into a Non-Relation
On a day in July 2015, my mother made a choice that would forever change our relationship. At my house, she declared, 'I resent you so much! We no longer have any relation.' Offering a handshake, she said, 'have a nice life' before walking out. The finality in her words was a painful break that left me heartbroken and estranged from her for the rest of my life.
The Unwanted Daughter
When my husband and I faced infertility, my mother's words cut deep. After finding out the low odds of pregnancy, she told me it would be a 'nice thing' if I couldn't have children, as I wouldn't 'make a good mother.' This hurt so profoundly that I kept this secret from my husband for over a decade, never being able to speak about the pain of her words.
Words That Lead to Tragedy
She also said, 'You are the reason that I tried to kill myself.' These words echoed through my mind, carrying a heavy burden. Deeply hurt by her abusive language, I have since learned to avoid drama and arguments, due to my mother's tendency to say anything, even if it has nothing to do with the topic at hand.
Emotional Response and Defense Mechanisms
Emotions during arguments often trigger random and hurtful words. My mother used to say 'it's no wonder you can’t find a girlfriend' during one of our arguments, though I still can't recall when or what led to the argument. These words, despite not being connected to the current issue, deeply wounded me.
Education and Disappointment
During a visit to my grandmother's house, my mother was listening to a country station, boldly disagreeing with the genre. She dismissed it, calling it 'heeby-jeeby music' which was met by laughter from me. In my teenage years, my mother said, 'if I'd known you were going to turn out like this, I wouldn’t have wanted you to get an education.' This statement left me speechless, reflective on the emotional wound it caused. She also said, 'sit down and shut up. No one wants to hear what you have to say,' when I was just a child, 8 or 9, causing me immense pain.
Lessons Learned
Despite the pain, my experiences have taught me valuable lessons. I've learned to avoid drama and arguments to protect my mental health. I've also learned that even when words are hurtful, they do not define the person or their value. My mother's criticism has pushed me to be more mindful of my own words and actions, ensuring I always have justifiable reasons for my reactions.
The pain of these words is still fresh, but they have also made me stronger. Each time my mother's words trigger emotional pain, I remind myself that these are just words, and I am not defined by them. Continued healing and personal growth are ongoing.