The Terrifying Reality of Border Crossings and Online Relationships
Traveling through the Canada-US border can be a nerve-wracking experience, especially if you've met your partner online. I experienced this firsthand during a visit to Canada with my family, only to be grilled with invasive questions upon returning to the United States.
Scared of Being Questioned: A Family Visit
A few years ago, my family visited a group of friends in Ontario. We met through a Facebook Bible Study group. Our hosts drove to Indiana for a return visit, and during our journey back, we faced what I thought was an immensely scary border inspection. We were driving an old minivan with a taped window, but that didn't matter as we got to the customs gate in Detroit. The customs officer stepped out, seemingly reminiscent of the character Paul Barth, and began questioning us.
He was quite aggressive, questioning where we had been, who we had been with, and how we knew each other. My wife, who is not on the spectrum, mentioned that we had met through Facebook, which set off alarm bells in the officer's head. It took a moment for him to realize we were two American citizens coming back home. His job was to let us in, and he eventually did, albeit after a stressful encounter.
Nine Years Without Returning
In 2007, I traveled from Toronto to Detroit by bus, a bit of a journey considering the distance, but I couldn’t afford to fly. I went alone. On the bus, I was questioned by a border official: “Why aren’t you traveling with your girlfriend?” To my horror, I replied, ‘I don’t have one.’ This honest answer restricted me from returning to the United States for nine long years.
The experience was so daunting that it deterred me from going back. It was only a massive philatelic exhibition in New York City that finally prompted me to return, and that trip was memorable. However, it was decided that such an experience should be a one-off, and I have no plans to go back to the United States, even for a short visit.
Probing Questions and Fiancé Visas
The questions asked during border crossings, often invasive and aggressive, highlight the potential challenges faced by individuals in interracial or international relationships. Many border officers are trained to be particularly wary of individuals who have met their partners online. The fear is that such relationships may not be genuine and that people might be trying to gain entry based on false pretenses, such as fiancé visas.
The process can be stressful and time-consuming. It often involves verification of personal and travel history, as well as a thorough investigation of the relationship, regardless of its nature or the genuine feelings involved. These practices can create a significant barrier for individuals in cross-border relationships and even disrupt legitimate plans to visit or stay in the country.
Despite the challenges, many individuals persevere, and the opportunity to be with a loved one, whether it's a true love or a relationship aimed at helping with immigration, is sometimes worth the scrutiny. The system is designed to protect the integrity of immigration processes, but it can be a daunting and sometimes unnecessary hurdle for many people.