The Precious Things We Lose and Find Again: Insights and Reflections from a Former Addict
In life, we often lose the most precious things without realizing it until much later. For me, there were three such losses that deeply impacted me. Losses that have taught me the value of love, the importance of recovery, and the resilience of the human spirit.
A Lost Lover and the Unspoken Promise
My first significant loss was the love of my life, someone I knew I would find again before I moved away. We promised to reunite, but my departure from their life was the beginning of a painful journey. Tragically, they passed away, and I never got to tell them how much I still loved them. This experience highlighted the importance of expressing our true feelings and the deep scars left by unfulfilled promises.
A Lifelong Confidence and Love Story
The second most precious thing I lost was the woman who would become my life partner and best friend. We spent 40 years together, sharing our dreams, pains, and joys. Sadly, she passed away in 2015, leaving behind a deep void. Her memory serves as a daily reminder of the profound impact a loved one can have, and how much we can lose when we don't cherish our time together.
The Most Precious Betrayal of All
The most precious thing I ever lost was a metaphorical rebirth. It was a person I believed was murdered, but instead of being buried, they were interred in a mental state of resignation. Over time, I was able to ‘resurrect’ this lost self, carefully cleaning the wounds and removing the dried blood of my past. This process, while painful, has been incredibly rewarding and provided me with a sense of renewal.
Resurrection and Recovery
One of the most painful losses I endured was the death of my daughter in 2004 due to treatable pneumonia. She was 22 and uninsured, and the hospital's profit-based approach meant she didn't receive the care she needed. This loss was particularly harrowing, especially as it could have been prevented. Her death was a harsh reminder of the importance of access to healthcare and the devastating effects of neglect in the system. Despite this, over the years, I have remained resilient, working towards recovery and rebuilding my life.
A Second Loss and Recovery: My Own Life
The most profound and painful loss, however, was when my addiction to drugs led to the loss of my daughter. Although my parents took her in, my actions had irreparably damaged our relationship. Despite the emotional turmoil and guilt, I have since spent three years clean and have been reunited with my daughter, which is a blessing beyond words. She still resides with my parents, but our bond has grown stronger than ever.
These experiences have taught me the importance of seeking help, the power of resilience, and the unwavering spirit of the human heart to overcome even the most trying circumstances. These lessons will continue to guide me as I move forward on my journey to recovery.