The Plausible Reasons Behind My Aversion to Physical Contact

Physical contact can evoke a range of feelings from comfort to discomfort, and in my case, aversion. I find myself detesting hugs and mild touches, even from those who mean well, like my family. This aversion stems from various underlying reasons, and in this article, well explore the plausible reasons behind my discomfort and how they have shaped my personal experiences.

Personal Boundaries and Sensory Sensitivity

Personal Boundaries. I have always had a keen sense of my personal space. For me, having someone invade my bubble can be unsettling and trigger a strong aversion to physical contact. It may seem like a basic need to everyone else, but for me, it feels like a personal boundary that must be respected.

Sensory Sensitivity. My heightened sensitivity to sensory input can exacerbate my aversion to touch. Even something as mundane as getting a haircut as a child felt like each hair follicle had a nerve running down it. The sensation of another persons skin on mine could be overwhelming, akin to being touched by a large slug made of broken glass. This sensitivity is not unique; it is commonly seen in individuals with sensory processing sensitivities or conditions like autism spectrum disorder.

Past Experiences

In my early life, I faced negative past experiences related to touch, leading to a lasting aversion. Unfortunately, I experienced repeated assaults and beatings in school, which fueled my belief that my body was only meant to be damaged and hated. These traumatic experiences have deeply rooted my aversion to touch.

Even before these events, my upbringing left me with a disposition towards solitude. My mother used to say that as an infant and toddler, I would “flop like a dead weight,” and was “always looking at anything but her,” during her attempts to carry me. This foundational experience might have contributed to my aversion to physical contact.

Cultural and Familial Norms

Cultural and familial norms also play a significant role in shaping my comfort with physical touch. Growing up in a family where physical affection was minimal, I developed a preference for solitude and introversion. This preference for alone time might extend to discomfort with physical closeness, which can be challenging in a society that often emphasizes physical touch as a means of expressing care and connection.

Furthermore, my experience with mental health issues, including personality disorders and bipolar disorder, has only compounded this aversion. My attachment style, rooted in childhood experiences, may lead to discomfort with closeness. The idea of intimacy or even the notion of emotional vulnerability can raise my anxiety levels to the point of nausea, sometimes resulting in blackouts. Despite coming from a stable and loving family, my mind cannot accept their attempts at genuine physical affection.

Addressing the Aversion

Now, you may ask, why I see no point in physical affection like hugging. I believe that “hugs just seem like a huge waste of time.” If someone is genuinely concerned about me, why not express that care through words instead of simply relying on physical touch?

Ultimately, my aversion is rooted in a combination of heightened sensory sensitivity, past traumatic experiences, and cultural and familial norms. While it is easier for others to label me as abnormal or broken, understanding and empathy from those around me can help in managing and coping with my discomfort. Exploring these feelings with a mental health professional can provide additional support and strategies to navigate this aspect of my life.