The Most Difficult Task I Ever Took on as a Registered Nurse

Throughout my 36 years as a Registered Nurse (RN), I have seen and cared for many challenging cases. But the most profound and trying assignment I undertook was when my own husband, Danny, fell prey to cancer. His journey and the care he required from me, in addition to my day job as an RN, were among the most arduous challenges I have ever faced.

Caring for My Ill Husband

When Danny was diagnosed with cancer, his diabetes and other health issues made his case particularly complex. The tumor was located at the base of his tongue, necessitating specialized radiation and chemotherapy. Unfortunately, this also led to the need for a feeding tube and increased his blood sugar levels.

Each morning, before stepping into my shift as an RN, I would meticulously check his blood sugar, prepare his insulin syringes, and create a chart to ensure his blood sugar was managed effectively. I would also administer his pain medications and tube feeds. Moreover, I had to make intricate arrangements to pick him up from his radiation sessions, often with the help of family and friends. This demanding schedule often meant my professional commitments were adjusted to accommodate his medical needs.

The cancer journey was not just physically and logistically challenging; it was emotionally taxing as well. Danny’s diagnosis was complicated by the approach of the Dr. at Stanford who gave him just a few months to live by the next Thanksgiving. During the most trying nights, like the one when Danny suffered a stroke, I had to remain composed in order to support him. That night, I dragged him to the bathroom, cleaned him up after a soiling incident, and held him while he died. Contrary to my initial inclination to grieve openly, I managed to maintain my composure to ensure that his final moments were as respectful and dignified as possible.

Maintaining Professionalism and Emotional Detachment

In my capacity as a nurse, I had to treat Danny with the same level of professionalism and detachment I would apply to any other patient. If I had allowed myself to be overwhelmed by the emotional weight of his situation, I might have compromised my ability to provide the care he needed. This required a careful balance: I had to be there for him as a spouse but not lose sight of my role as a caregiver.

While Danny’s passing was profoundly affecting, the emotional heaviness of the situation only lifted after several years of counseling. My involvement with someone I later realized was likely a narcissist further deepened the complexities of my grief. Through this experience, I eventually began to open up and allow myself to cry, reflecting a newfound acceptance of my feelings.

Concluding Reflections

This journey taught me invaluable lessons about resilience, professionalism, and the importance of setting boundaries. If I could do it all again, I would perhaps arrange for professional care to ensure that both my husband and I could focus on our well-being. My experience reinforced the invaluable role nurses play in both medical and personal realms, but it also highlighted the human cost of such dedication.

From this challenging and rewarding experience, I emerged with a renewed understanding of the complexities of patient care and the importance of maintaining one's emotional and professional health.