The Impact of a Clinically Depressed Mother on My Life
Introduction
Having a clinically depressed mother has significantly shaped my adult life, influenced my relationships, and defined my personal battles with depression. It wasn't until I entered the broader world that I began to understand the profound impact this had on my journey.
I have suffered from depression, just like my mother, and this has deeply influenced my life's my life, I have found it challenging to find the right partner, remain in fulfilling jobs, and follow my lack of energy and motivation has often left me drifting through life, making choices based on what life handed me.
On the outside, I appeared to be living a life full of fun and excitement, dating, and traveling. However, internally, every moment was a struggle to maintain a facade of happiness. The constant battle to pretend I was content masked the reality of my internal struggles.
Emotional Challenges Due to Depression
One of the most challenging aspects of having a depressed mother is witnessing her constant stress and negativity. She was not a nurturing or huggy type of person, which made it difficult to approach her with problems or seek advice.
My mother had to deal with the challenges of a strained marriage, three other children, and a demanding job. She was rarely home, leaving my sister and me to fend for ourselves. This independence did come at a cost, as the necessity to be self-sufficient led to a lack of easy interpersonal relationships. I struggled to feel deeply attached to anyone, as I was always afraid of being abandoned or hurt.
This fear and the lack of support from my mother made me highly sensitive to hugging and physical touch. I often felt like I was being smothered and wished to run when people hugged me. It took me a long time to adapt to this, and even now, it feels somewhat unnatural for me. However, moving to Montana, a place where hugging is the norm, helped me to gradually accept it.
Empathy and the Burden of Others' Problems
Raised as an empath, I have always felt sorry for others and taken on their problems. While being a good listener is undoubtedly a valuable trait, it also means shouldering the weight of others' issues on top of my own. This burden often left me feeling more depressed and stressed.
Lessons and Gratitude
Despite the challenges, I must acknowledge the positive contributions my mother made in my life. She was a hard worker and a good woman. However, the negative effects of her depression and stoicism were significant and have left lasting imprints on my life and relationships.
Reflecting on my journey, I realize how much I had been missing out on because of my mother's struggles. Understanding the way other people relate to their mothers has helped me appreciate the importance of emotional well-being and the positive impact of having a nurturing and supportive parent.
While it may have been difficult for her, thank you to my mother for making a good home for us, even in the face of her own challenges.
Conclusion
Having a depressed mother has left an indelible mark on my life, shaping my emotional well-being, relationships, and overall outlook. It has been a journey of understanding, acceptance, and growth, and I remain grateful for the lessons learned along the way.