The Heartbreak of the 'One Who Got Away': Lessons from a Bittersweet Past
Have you ever found yourself pondering the 'one who got away,' only to later encounter them again and be glad you didn't end up together?
Axel: My Second-Best Choice
In 2018, shortly after escaping a brainwashing cult, I became homeless and started dating a man who would come to be known as Axel. At that time, my life was forever altered. Axel, ten years my senior, had a magnetic charm that was hard to resist. Long, beautiful brown hair, striking eyes, and a chiseled face made him stand out. His robust physique, with bulging muscles and lean legs, paired with the distinct scent of whiskey and secondhand smoke, added to his allure.
Axel was a rockstar, strumming his bass guitar with such passion that it felt like a form of worship. He viewed his music, and his wife, as his primary passion and love. I was no more than a side character, though I yearned to be more. This constant longing fueled every moment we shared, turning them into a dream-like existence. To me, Axel was a god, a celebrity I had worshipped for years, finally able to experience a relationship with him.
Red Flags and Realization
After a year of our relationship, I began to realize the imbalance. I felt like I was merely a fan, required to buy backstage passes to see him once a month, while he exclusively focused on his wife and his music. I was no more than a lyric in his last song, but the longing was my constant companion. I grew tired of being an afterthought, of always putting him first, and of not being heard in a relationship where I should be his equal.
One day, I realized that Axel wasn't worth fighting for. Even though I still adored him and empathized with his artistic drive, I decided to let him go. It was painful, but it was the right decision. After that, we barely spoke, and as times passed, he became more distant, frequently resorting to talk about his world while ignoring mine.
Axel's Struggles and Transformation
The following year, I felt a strange connection to Axel again. I had dreams about him and found myself thinking about him non-stop. One day, I sent him a message, expressing my feelings and asking about his well-being. He was in the hospital, having made a suicide attempt. He had disbanded his band and was at rock bottom, working at Target.
His self-absorption and obsession with himself became evident during our conversations. He obsessed over his past, his new lover, and the band he had dissolved. He neglected my questions and concerns, revealing a profound selfishness. Eventually, he ghosted me, and a year has passed without any communication.
Learning and Moving Forward
The experience with Axel taught me valuable lessons. I learned to prioritize my own well-being and to recognize the importance of a balanced and mutual relationship. I found true love in a person who showed me what real love looks like, and now, I am grateful for that. Despite the pain, my decision to let go has brought me relief and allowed me to move forward with a healthier perspective.
To Axel, I sincerely hope he is doing well, as the last time we spoke, his actions and words left a lot to be desired. I still carry some bitterness towards him, but I understand the importance of letting go and moving on.
Reflecting on the Past
Looking back, I realize that my journey with Axel was a significant part of my growth. It taught me to value independence and self-worth, and to appreciate the true essence of love. While it was painful, it is a period I would not change. The lessons I learned have shaped me into the person I am today, and for that, I am grateful.