The Five Best Ways to Love Yourself and Live a Congruent Life
An Introduction to Self-Love
Self-love is not an easy journey, but it is one that is profoundly rewarding. James Altucher succinctly expressed the negative consequences of not prioritizing ourselves in his quote: 'Every time you say yes to something you don’t want to do this will happen: you will resent people, you will do a bad job, you will have less energy for the things you were doing a good job on, you will make less money and yet another small percentage of your life will be used up burned up a smoke signal to the future saying "I did it again." ' This journey requires us to recognize and prioritize our inherent worth.
Prioritize Yourself
For much of our lives, we’ve been conditioned to put others before ourselves. In our early 20s, I was a “people-pleaser,” believing that by being nice to others, I would be liked, and my life would be happy and problem-free. Unfortunately, that’s not how the world works. It inevitably led to unreciprocated kindness and a burnt-out, frustrated life. However, recognizing and addressing this is the first step in a journey towards self-love and living a more honest and fulfilling life. By creating your own belief system—behaviors and ideas that are important to you—you can start to honor your true self.
Identify Your Values
To create a strong belief system that is uniquely yours, ask yourself the following questions:
What is most important to me?Find the answers to these questions will take some time, but those responses are quintessential to understanding yourself better. Once you have identified your values, the next step is more challenging—living them. This means making time for what is non-negotiable for you. If you appreciate your loving relationship with your partner, dedicate time to deepen your connection with her. If traveling is important to you, put it on your calendar and follow through. The longer you postpone your deepest wishes, the more you will suffer. This is because you are suppressing your authentic truth. The more you resist what's most important to you, the higher the intensity of pain you will feel. Over time, you can 'explode' as the urge for aspiration is too powerful to handle. Behaviors such as expressing anger in your relationships, conducting harmful violent acts, and experiencing depression and suicidal thoughts may occur.
Rediscover Your True Self
Do you know what makes you truly happy and fulfilled? Have you completely forgotten who you truly are? The “essential self” as Martha Beck calls it in her book “Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live” can be imprisoned due to years of confinement. These behaviors have been covered with many layers of “social self,” the person you’re expected to be through years of social conditioning.
However, this process is reversible. You can start to rediscover your true self by delving into your past. Consider the following questions:
What did I used to enjoy doing but no longer make time for? What ambitious goals did I previously have? When did I feel the happiest and most carefree?Even if you do not have clear answers, you can start by following your curiosity. As you dive deeper, you can break down those walls and get to your true self.
Live a Congruent Life
After discovering your values, you can honor them by strictly saying “yes” to people and activities that excite you. As a byproduct, you also say “no” to those that don’t. However, that’s not all. Living a life of congruence means aligning your actions with your values. It means finding joy in what you do and making decisions that reflect your true self. This is a daily practice, and it requires mindfulness and commitment.
Conclusion
Living a life that prioritizes self-love, values alignment, and congruence is no small feat. It requires us to peel back layers of societal expectations and conditioning to reveal our true selves. By prioritizing our own needs, identifying our values, and living a congruent life, we can experience a profound sense of fulfillment and happiness.