The Best Approach to Conversations with Parents: A Middle-Class Indian Perspective

When living in different cities or working far from home, maintaining a close relationship with parents can often feel challenging. For instance, my experience of talking with my parents over the phone from Delhi has shown me the significance of adjusting communication styles to suit both parties. Here, I’ll provide insights on how to bridge the gap and have meaningful conversations with your parents, drawing from my own experiences and observations.

The Current Communication Dynamics

When I first moved to Delhi, our phone conversations with my parents followed a specific pattern. With my mother, the dialogue would typically begin with a simple greeting followed by a series of standard inquiries: 'How are you doing?', 'How is your study going?', and 'Did you eat?' These questions are often followed by a discussion of recent events in my life. Conversely, my conversations with my father started with a direct greeting and an almost immediate inquiry about financial needs, leaving little room for other topics. Initially, I found these exchanges awkward because I was used to treating my father and mother similarly, which often led to me being reprimanded for lacking respect. However, after a year away from home, I started greeting my mother more formally, which made her very happy and more open to conversation.

Why Greetings Matter

The introductory part of a conversation can set the tone for the entire dialogue. According to Indian cultural norms, showing respect through greetings is crucial. For many middle-class Indian families, these greetings serve as a way to acknowledge the relationship and the values it encompasses. Therefore, it's important to adjust your initial greeting based on your parent's preference. If your mom prefers a formal 'Hello Mummy' or 'Hello Papa', it’s best to oblige as it can make her feel respected and valued.

Selecting the Right Time for Communication

Choosing the right time to talk with your parents is also essential. Avoid having a serious conversation right after your parent has returned from work or has been running errands all day. Instead, express your desire to have a conversation to your parents and request a convenient time. If they ask, 'What is the matter? What’s going on? You need to talk to me now', it might indicate that they are not in the right frame of mind. In such cases, it’s best to say, 'No, let's talk later when you feel more relaxed'. This doesn't mean you should delay the conversation indefinitely; it merely suggests that you are mindful of their emotional state.

Being Clear and Honest

When you do have the conversation, be clear and honest about your intentions. If you're asking for something, provide a reason for the request. If you’re sharing something about your life, have a plan for what you want to say. Always make eye contact, as this builds trust and shows your parents that you are honest and mature enough to handle the conversation.

Flexibility and Understanding

It's important to understand that not all parents are the same. Some may be more open-minded, making it easier to have conversations, while others might be more challenging to communicate with. Approach these situations with patience and flexibility, and be prepared to adjust your strategies to suit your parents' personalities and circumstances.

In conclusion, adjusting your approach to conversations with parents, especially when you're living far away, requires a blend of respect, timing, and clear communication. By doing so, you can strengthen your bond with your parents and ensure that your relationship remains loving and supportive, regardless of the distance between you.