Strategies for Parent-Adult Child Living Arrangements: Timing and Boundaries

Deciding when your adult children should move out of the family home is a complex and personal decision. While some parents prefer to let their children live with them for as long as possible, others prefer to establish clear boundaries and guidelines for their living arrangements.

Parental Guidance and Independence

Consider the value of maintaining a supportive and nurturing environment that fosters independence. As a parent, it's essential to encourage your children to develop the skills necessary for life outside the home. Initially, they may benefit from the security and stability provided by a familiar environment, but living conditions should evolve with their maturity and life circumstances.

One parent described their experience of maintaining a support system for their children, stating, 'If they are good to you, stay as long as possible. I moved out at age 18, and my apparent mother has not spoken to me since. It's been over 25 years, and I have no regrets.' This demonstrates the potential long-term benefits of allowing your children to live at home until they are fully ready.

Setting Clear Rules and Boundaries

Establishing clear rules and boundaries can help your child navigate the transition to adulthood smoothly. For example, one parent mentioned their approach, 'When I had my own daughters, it was inconceivable to me that I would toss them out for any reason. However, long before they turned 18, they were informed of the rules: Once they completed high school, they were welcome to continue living in my home rent-free if they were continuing to go to school. If they were working and saving up to go to university, they could live here but would pay a modest rent. If they were not working and not going to school, they would be charged market rental until they found alternate accommodation.'

Personalized Approach to Each Child

Every child is unique, and the timing of moving out should be tailored to their individual circumstances. One parent recounted, 'This reminds me of my older son. As a teenager, he would say, "I can’t wait till I am 18 so I will be free." I asked him, "Free to do what?" and he would say, "Whatever I want to!" At that time, I told him "OK on your 18th birthday, you will get eviction papers. On your 17th birthday, you will get luggage so you have a year to practice packing!"' This creative approach helps prepare their children for the transition to adulthood.

Adapting to Life Circumstances

Life circumstances can change, and it's important to be flexible and responsive to these changes. One parent shared their experience, 'My older son joined the Navy and was in the Delayed Entry Program. He stayed with us until he left for Basic Training. He has been on his own since. My younger son, who asked where his luggage was on his 17th birthday, went the college route. He went away to college and came back home when he graduated. He was welcome here until he got on his feet. He stayed with us for about 5 years.' This demonstrates the flexibility required when accommodating your adult children.

Ultimately, the decision to move out should be based on mutual agreement and respect for each other's needs and life circumstances. Encouraging a balanced approach to living together can promote long-term relationships and mutual understanding.