Introduction

When it comes to discussing a person’s disability, the question arises: is it more appropriate to ask directly about it, or to bring it up through a third party? This article explores the nuances of this issue and provides guidance on best practices for respectful communication.

Why Direct Communication is Best

There are several compelling reasons to ask about a person's disability directly and in a private setting.

Respecting Privacy and Autonomy

As seen in the case of the individual with Spina Bifida, asking directly and respecting a person's autonomy is crucial. The individual had the choice to share her information when and how she wanted, and waiting for her to initiate the conversation demonstrated mutual respect for her privacy and preferences.

The Problem with Third Parties

There have been instances where coworkers and others have asked about a person's wheelchair through a third party, without the individual's consent. For example, discussing where a wheelchair should be or what it wants to eat or drink, such behaviors are offensive and disrespectful. The wheelchair is just a mobility aid and does not have preferences. Referring to the person who uses the wheelchair as “the person who uses the wheelchair” ensures that the person’s identity is prioritized, not the chair.

Direct Communication is Preferable Unless the Individual Approves

Unless the person using the wheelchair explicitly approves, it is advisable to communicate directly. Conversations with third parties should only occur if the individual directs you to do so or is present but unable to communicate appropriately for themselves.

Age and Experience Matter

There are nuances to how and when to approach the topic, especially if the person using the wheelchair has lived through a lifetime of discrimination and has developed coping mechanisms to deal with unfounded curiosity and ignorance.

For some individuals, like the author's brother, direct conversations can sometimes be confrontational and uncomfortable. However, for others, like Mik Silver, who has been a public figure as a wheelchair user for decades, dealing with such situations can be more patient.

When Asking Directly is Necessary

Direct communication is often the best approach, but it may be necessary to seek information through a third party under certain circumstances.

Situations Requiring Direct Communication

If you have a valid reason to know about a person's disability, such as how you can help them succeed in their environment or ensure their safety, then it is appropriate to ask them directly. This might be part of your job responsibilities or a genuine attempt to assist them.

When a Third Party is Appropriate

It may be appropriate to ask a third party if the individual is unable to communicate or if the information needed is for the benefit of others who need to assist or accommodate them.

Curiosity Without a Valid Reason

Simply out of curiosity, without any genuine need for the information, is often not appropriate to ask. Respecting the individual's privacy and allowing them to share information on their own terms promotes a healthy and respectful relationship.

Conclusion

Respecting a person's privacy and seeking information through appropriate means is crucial. Direct and respectful communication, when necessary, can foster a more understanding and inclusive environment for individuals with disabilities. Whether through direct conversation or third-party interactions, always prioritize the individual's wishes and autonomy.