Reflections on First Funerals: Pain, Forgiveness, and Growth

As a lifelong industry professional, my first funeral experience was both difficult and profound. The death of my grandmother Nanny, whom I loved deeply and who passed away on a Thanksgiving evening when I was ten, was an event that still haunts my memories to this day. She was the embodiment of sweetness and love, and the funeral experience did not do her justice.

Embalmment and the Funeral Director

The funeral home botched the preservation of her remains, leaving her unrecognizable. This experience was the catalyst for my decision to become a Funeral Director. I knew then that a similar oversight could happen if not for stringent attention to detail. The embalmer, who was likely blind to his own shortcomings, puffed up with pride when I brought up the unfortunate incident. However, I was honest and detailed about the experience, ensuring that he understood the consequences of his inattentiveness. This experience has stayed with me, reminding me to always provide the best care and support to every individual and family.

The Unrecognized Struggles of Everyday Employees

Another funeral I attended was that of a colleague, John, from my time working at an international bank in NYC. John, unlike my grandmother Nanny, left a more bitter memory. His arrogance and selfish tendencies culminated in a situation that led him to leave his wife for another, which ultimately resulted in his termination and, tragically, his untimely death.

A Quiet Ending

John was a tall, reasonably handsome man who was somewhat arrogant, often seen treating clients to expensive meals and wine. However, behind his brash front, he had a troubled marriage. His wife, a corporate professional, worked hard to support the family financially. When John started seeing a woman who looked like his wife and was brash and self-conscious, she quickly became his reality. She would say things like 'Where the fuck is he?' which summed up the frustration I felt for her.

Despite the gossip, a coworker expressed genuine concern about John's well-being. She was correct in her observation that John may have felt the woman was more important to him than his wife. Tragically, John left his wife for the woman, but the bank soon let him go. The last I saw of him, he was sending his umbrella to London for repairs, a detail that showed his fastidiousness but also the final straw for his colleagues.

Consequences and Forgiveness

John's death was a stark reminder of the fragility of life. I attended his funeral with some former colleagues and felt a sense of peace hovering over his closed coffin. His elderly parents were there, focusing on the financial contributions he had made to the bank, even during his termination. John's former wife was also in attendance, sobbing as she tried to say goodbye. The woman with the purple stretch pants and baseball cap, her former accomplice, was notably absent. Reflecting on this, I often wonder about the consequences of actions and the importance of forgiveness.

Personal Growth and Career Transition

After leaving the bank, I pursued a degree that allowed me to transition into a different career path. This personal transition mirrored the professional one John made, yet mine felt more positive. I remember feeling different after the funeral, as if the bus stop where I waited so many times before felt different. It was a moment of realization that someone like John, with so much to live for, could simply pass away without warning.

Lessons Learned

These experiences taught me the value of empathy and detail. They also underscored the importance of understanding the impact of our actions on others. Whether it's dealing with the aftermath of a funeral or the complexities of corporate life, these events have left a lasting impression on me. They serve as a reminder of the pain and the power of human connections, and the need to strive for better in both our professional and personal lives.

In conclusion, my first funeral experiences have helped me grow and evolve as a professional and a person. They have instilled in me a deeper understanding of the importance of integrity, empathy, and the incredible fragility of life.