Rebuilding After Loss: Moving Forward After a Parent’s Death
Shelley was devastated when her mother passed away three months ago. She returned to work, but found herself struggling to find her place. The question arises: should Shelley quit her job, given that money is not an issue? This article delves into the complexities of loss, personal growth, and the importance of moving forward to build an independent life.
The Impact of Loss
Shelley has been sitting around, feeling sorry for herself for the past three months. She wonders if this wallowing has brought her any closer to bringing her mother back to life. The truth is, this is not about bringing her mother back. It's about whether Shelley is grown-up enough to handle the responsibilities of life on her own.
Leaving Mommy Behind
Shelley's story is a common one. We all need to leave our 'mommies' behind as we grow and mature. This process begins with learning to do basic tasks like cooking, cleaning, and managing our own lives. It continues with making our own complex decisions and forming our own beliefs and values. Ultimately, it involves having someone to turn to in times of doubt and questions, and a sounding board for life's challenges.
Parents can't do these things for us forever. If Shelley is now an adult but remains dependent on her mother for emotional or decision-making support, it's time for change. This dependence should have ended years ago, and it's now crucial for Shelley to develop independence.
Waking Up to Reality
Shelley is not the only one mourning the loss of a parent. Many people say they miss their parents, especially their best friends. However, this closeness can hinder personal growth. Parents have similar life experiences and viewpoints, which can lead to constant agreement. This uniformity can stifle the development of new perspectives and ideas.
To truly grow and develop, Shelley needs friends and relationships that offer new insights and diverse experiences. It's important to have friends or colleagues who have different backgrounds, outlooks, and interests. These relationships can challenge her and help her mature.
Beyond Emotional Healing
While the emotional pain of losing a parent is natural and understandable, an extended period of being "motionless" is not healthy. Shelley needs to move beyond this emotional stasis and step back into the real world. Getting involved in meaningful work and social activities can help her build a new life.
Shelley should avoid returning to old jobs that allow her to reminisce about her mother. Instead, she needs a job that is intellectually challenging and requires collaboration with others. This could mean taking a new job, even in a different field, as long as it provides opportunities for growth and engagement.
Embracing Change
Shelley's current situation calls for significant change, which can be traumatic. However, it's necessary to break down dependencies and start building a new life. She should use the time and resources available to her to create a new, independent life that she has been neglecting for too long.
It's important to remember that while losing a parent is a profound loss, it's also an opportunity for personal growth and a fresh start. By embracing the changes and challenges, Shelley can rebuild a vibrant and fulfilling life.