Navigating the Emotional Journey: Why Your Aging Loved One May Resist a Cane and How to Help

It's quite normal for your aging loved one, like your mom, to feel embarrassed or ashamed about using a cane. Many people associate the use of mobility aids with a loss of independence or being 'lesser-abled,' which can lead to feelings of vulnerability. This emotional response is common and can stem from societal attitudes toward aging and disability.

Understanding the Feelings Behind Cane Resistance

Your personal experience with your mom demonstrates a complex emotional journey. She was not ashamed to be less-abled but struggled to accept the loss of freedoms of her youth. This resistance to a cane is more about holding onto youthful capabilities and the fear of an impending end to her life's journey.

Compassionate Approach to Addressing Cane Use

Here are a few ways to help your mom or any aging loved one cope with these feelings and accept the use of a cane:

Open Conversation

Talk to her about her feelings. Sometimes just discussing these emotions can help alleviate them. Encourage her to express her concerns and validate her feelings.

Reframe the Narrative

Help her see that using a cane is a tool for maintaining independence rather than a sign of weakness. Emphasize that it can enhance her safety and mobility. Frame it as a way to stay active and engaged in life.

Personalization

Encourage her to choose a cane that she likes aesthetically. Aesthetics are important; if she feels good about her appearance, she may feel more comfortable. There are many stylish options available which can boost her self-esteem and confidence.

Support

Share stories of others who use mobility aids and lead fulfilling lives. This can help normalize her experience. Highlight that needing assistance is a natural part of aging, and many people use canes or other aids to live their lives to the fullest.

Encouragement

Remind her that she is not alone in her feelings and that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Stress that it is perfectly acceptable to ask for and use support to improve her quality of life.

Additional Considerations from Personal Experience

Your personal experience caring for your mom further emphasizes the emotional toll of losing independence. From driving to walking, and even cooking, she was gradually losing things she took for granted. Her brain tumor surgery, combined with dementia, further highlighted the challenges of aging.

By understanding the emotional underpinnings of cane resistance, you can provide the support your aging loved one needs to navigate this challenging period. Be kind, patient, and empathetic, as it's a journey that may not be fully understood until one walks in her shoes.

Remember, your love and support make a significant difference in her well-being and her ability to adapt to these changes. Your guidance can help her feel more comfortable and confident as she ages.