Navigating the Depths of INFP Rage: A Personal Journey
For individuals of the INFP personality type, the experience of rage can be intensely personal and deeply emotional. This article explores the unique nature of INFP rage, the layers of emotions that come with it, and the importance of acknowledging and expressing these feelings.
Understanding INFP Rage: A Mix of Anger and Sadness
Anger mixed with sadness is a common thread among INFPs when faced with situations that feel deeply personal or misunderstood. I often start to feel angry when I believe there is a lack of understanding or when my feelings are dismissed. This anger can be overwhelming and mixed with sadness as I realize that no one may ever truly understand. Pushing away those who come to comfort me can further exacerbate my feelings, leading to more complex emotions of guilt and self-doubt.
When someone who has wronged me attempts to move on or even speaks kindly, I find it hard to continue to hold onto my anger. Instead, I carry the memory of the incident like a scar, with a sense of shame that I often can't shake. This type of rage can manifest in spontaneous outbursts, where I scream in the face of the one who has wronged me, which can be difficult for me, who typically avoids violent reactions.
The Explosion of Emotions and the Saga of Rage
Rage among INFPs can come in levels, and I have personally experienced it reaching its peak only once, resulting in physical violence. This occurred during my teenage years, a time when emotional maturity was not fully developed. The irony is that the people I love and who get close to me are often the ones who have witnessed my outbursts. This is not to say that I am not patient or kind; I often tolerate insults, belittling, and other abuses, keeping my own emotions to myself as long as possible.
However, there comes a point where my tolerance for mistreatment, lack of respect, or constant refusal to compromise becomes unbearable. This situation is particularly difficult when the mistreatment comes from a family member. After enough time of being mistreated, I become agitated, and an explosion might be inevitable. In these moments, I become an observer, hearing my own words and not fully in control, until I eventually walk away.
The Triggering Incident and the Aftermath
The worst trigger for me was when I was 17 years old. My older sibling, who I had a poisoned relationship with due to her emotional abuse, decided to force me to eat something. My reaction was instant and intense, leading to physical violence. This incident was particularly distressing because it happened right after a relapse of my anorexia, compounded by the effects of medications that were not effective.
In that moment, I felt like a mere observer, not in control of my actions. The entire experience was an out-of-body one, and the aftermath left me with physical evidence of my own outburst. Strangely, she did not fight back, but fled, leading to my father's involvement. It was a deeply uncomfortable and unsettling experience that I had to watch from a distance. After that incident, I never lost control ever again.
The Importance of Managing Emotions
Managing emotions is crucial, especially for INFPs who often suppress their feelings, hoping that over time the wall will collapse on its own. It is essential to not keep emotions pent up. Recognizing when you are nearing a breaking point and finding ways to express or release these emotions is vital for mental health. Over time, through therapy and reflection, my perspective on the incident with my sister has changed. I now view it with a sense of distance, understanding that while I acted out of a place of hurt and anger, the act itself was not something to be regretted or held onto.
In conclusion, navigating INFP rage involves understanding your emotions, recognizing the signs of when you are reaching your limit, and finding healthy ways to express and process these feelings. As INFPs, we must acknowledge that our emotional well-being is just as important as any other aspect of our lives.