Navigating the Challenges of Living with a Mentally and Emotionally Abusive Father
My story is far from unique. The struggle I describe here has been ongoing for several years, with recent months seeing an increase in the frequency and severity of the abuse.
I am a 32-year-old overweight woman working in a decent job. I have a mother, a younger sister of 30, and a brother of 24. Despite our occasional disagreements, we get along quite well. Our family dynamics are sound, except for the presence of an individual who constantly disrupts our peace: my father.
My Experience with an Abusive Police Officer
To begin with, I strongly advise against marrying a policeman. Based on my personal experience, they are often rude, narcissistic, selfish, hypocritical, extremely egoistic, and abusive. My father, who worked as a Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI) officer until his recent retirement, bears these traits.
Work and Family Issues
My father has never been a good husband. He often failed to see my mother as an equal, instead viewing her as someone beneath him. In the early years, he treated her as nothing more than a servant, cooking for his numerous friends and relatives, and verbally fighting with her if she disapproved of their actions. This treatment left my mother timid and silent, but with recent support from our siblings, she has gained self-confidence.
Another instance of his abuse involved an incident where he emotionally cheated on my mother by spending time and sending letters to his sister's daughter. This prompted a stressful confrontation and led to my mother having a miscarriage due to the emotional distress.
Other Injustices and Abuses
There are countless instances of injustice, control, and emotional abuse from my father. My mother was never made to feel valuable or beautiful, remaining as a silent, faithful wife to him. His actions and words aimed to control her, asserting his dominance over her entire life. He even suspected her of disloyalty whenever she spoke to a man.
When my father was wrongly accused and jailed, my mother took on the responsibility of supporting him. She prayed, meditated, and searched for a good lawyer. Despite all her efforts, my father's release after three months softened him somewhat. Even then, he faced more issues, resulting in the sale of our family bungalow to pay off a debt he acquired through failed business ventures. The lack of funds for my mother's necessary surgery further exemplifies his selfishness and lack of care.
Emotional and Physical Toll
My mother's uterus was removed after being forced to go without medical care for 5-7 years. My father's constant abuse and lack of concern for her health took a significant toll on both her and my father's well-being. Both were left with health issues, including high blood pressure.
Recent Conflicts
After my father's retirement, he has returned to being a constant source of drama, often yelling at my mother and engaging in unprovoked outbursts. He frequently accuses her of manipulating him and blaming her for our family's problems. My mother provides him with his medication, which he only takes when she insists. This constant tension affects her health and emotional well-being.
Marriage Pressures and Life Decision
My father's involvement in our personal decisions, particularly regarding marriage, is overly interfering. He selects men based on astrological predictions and superficial traits, forcing us to meet and marry someone we may not be compatible with. This control and manipulation are unbearable, leading to arguments and conflict within our family.
Future Prospects
We are striving to find suitable men on our own, but the constant pressure from my father has been detrimental. We have considered renting an apartment or getting married, but we are currently in a financial predicament and require more stable jobs to support ourselves.
Conclusion
Dealing with a mentally and emotionally abusive father is a difficult yet necessary journey. It requires strength, resilience, and sometimes external support. The path to betterment is challenging, but with persistent effort and support from loved ones, it is possible to break free from the cycle of abuse and find peace.