Navigating Lifelong Shame: A Path to Healing Through Therapy
Lifelong feelings of shame can be deeply rooted and persistent. They often accompany a vulnerable self, making therapy a daunting terrain to traverse. However, just as a journey to recovery doesn't happen overnight, overcoming shame requires a consistent and persistent effort.
Therapy, a space that demands vulnerability, can be intimidating for those accustomed to carrying shame. It's natural to feel the same emotions in therapy that you've carried throughout your life. Yet, it's crucial to stay committed, giving yourself permission to fully experience and embrace your emotions without judgment. It's okay to move at a slow pace and to share only what you feel comfortable discussing in the moment.
The Healing Process in Therapy
Healing from lifelong shame isn't about eradicating these feelings, but rather, embracing and transforming them. The best therapy advice I've ever received is to tell parts of yourself that feel bad, 'When I feel better, I will bring you along too, and you will be safe.' Growing through shame involves nurturing and healing even the most damaged parts of ourselves.
Uncomfortable as it may seem at times, the path to healing is navigated through sharing one's experiences with a therapist or trusted individual. In my experience, opening up incrementally by sharing bits of what I am ashamed of in small doses has been beneficial. My therapist showed deep respect for my courage to share, which provided a supportive environment to explore and understand my feelings further.
Some of the shame I've shared in therapy is indeed justified, reflecting accurately on actions that I felt were wrong. When faced with such revelations, I was encouraged to hold onto the phrase, 'When we know better, we do better.' This concept required years of reflection and practice to fully grasp and apply. It provides a roadmap for personal growth, emphasizing the importance of understanding our past actions and planning better future choices.
Sometimes, the Shame Isn't Our Own
It's essential to recognize that not all shame we carry truly belongs to us. In some cases, especially during childhood, awful things may happen behind closed doors, and we often carry a significant amount of shame. This shame can serve as a protective mechanism against the devastating consequences that disclosure might bring. However, it's crucial to differentiate between the shame that belongs to us and that which is externally imposed or unjustly attributed to us. Learning to separate these can be a vital step in the healing process.
Shame that stems from traumatic experiences in childhood can be particularly challenging to navigate. It's important to find ways to organize and understand these feelings, acknowledging that sometimes we may bear burdens that are not ours to carry. Reflecting on the source of this shame and seeking clarification can help in releasing the weight of unnecessary guilt.
Conclusion
Overcoming lifelong feelings of shame is a complex and ongoing process. It requires patience, courage, and a willingness to engage in therapeutic practices that foster healing and self-compassion. By embracing the journey rather than expecting immediate results, we can transform shame into a source of strength and resilience. If you're struggling with shame in your life, I encourage you to reach out to a therapist who can provide the support and guidance you need.