What It's Like to Have an Emotionally Distant Family

Introduction

The concept of 'family' often evokes images of warm embraces, shared laughter, and unwavering support. However, not all families are nurturing or supportive. Those who fail to provide the love and emotional support we need, especially during tough times, are not true family. It is essential to prioritize individuals who stand by us, through good times and bad.

A Gut Punch of Emotional Distance

For me, enduring a lifetime of emotionally distant family members was as emotionally challenging as a gut punch. Despite efforts to improve the situation during holidays, it remained futile. My quest to connect with them every day was a relentless struggle. Milestones, traumatic events, and solo medical procedures were moments when their absence only fueled my resolve to form deeper connections with my sons. Unfortunately, I was not entirely successful with all of them.

Ultimately, I had to adapt and become my own support system. As the years wore on, especially in my 60s, having my own support system gave me plenty to talk about. Emotionally, I don't feel 63; my body might, but my mind does not. This experience taught me the importance of self-reliance and the value of forming meaningful connections with those who truly care.

The Impact of a Mother's Absence

My personal journey is particularly marked by the absence of my mother. She was a hard-core drinker who struggled to meet anyone's needs beyond her own. She made efforts to connect with her two other siblings, but not with me. From the age of 8, the closest I could get to an emotional exchange from my mother was through guilt about being an "unexpected complication of a rape but she loved me anyway."

She would often request cigarettes, and at just 11 years old, I had to light them for her. Upon my 11th birthday, she asked me how I started smoking, to which I replied, "Right now." She showed no concern, merely turning back to her old sci-fi movie. My mother's lack of care extended to my safety; during my teenage years, she would not care where I was or if I was hungry or in danger. Her apathy only strengthened my independence and loyalty to those who were genuinely caring.

There were times when my mother's neglect was so extreme that I would not come home for days, and she would not inquire about my whereabouts. On a few occasions, I was left in a ditch, beaten, and left for dead, but when I returned home, my sister would simply yell, "Judys home, Que sera sera." This experience taught me the value of making my own choices and finding a family that truly supports me.

Self-Reliance and Choosing Your Family

For me, the lesson was clear: you can choose your family. True family are those who stand by you, especially when the rest of the world may not. As I navigated through these challenges, I formed bonds with friends who cared about me and my well-being. These friendships became my support system, and I realize I had already chosen my own family.

Conclusion

Emotionally distant family members can be incredibly challenging. However, it's crucial to surround yourself with those who genuinely support you. My journey taught me the value of self-reliance, the importance of forming meaningful connections with caring individuals, and the realization that you can choose your own family. May this knowledge bring you comfort, strength, and the resolve to build a supportive and loving network of people who care.