Navigating Life Post-Incarceration: What You Can Expect

Life can seem daunting when your spouse is serving a long prison term, but it is also an opportunity to regain control and rebuild your life. This article aims to provide insights and prepare you for the emotional and practical challenges you may face.

The Initial Marital Separation: A Month of No-Contact

After your husband's incarceration, it's important to understand the initial period of separation. In many prisons, such as in the state where the author drew from, the first 30 days are characterized by no-contact with family members. This is a standard practice to ensure the inmate does not have any unknown or communicable diseases, detoxes from substances, and is mentally prepared for life in general population. This period is crucial and can be emotionally challenging, but it is a necessary step for the inmate's safety and adaptation.

Prison Communication: Letters, Phone Calls, and JPay

Expect a significant amount of correspondence and financial responsibilities related to your spouse's communication needs in prison. The initial calls will be charged, and you will need to set up an online account for JPay or similar services to send money for commissary needs such as cigarettes, snacks, and better bedding. This can be a source of stress due to the high costs and the fact that letters can take a long time to reach recipients.

The prison will send you a recording as a reminder that an inmate is trying to contact you, and you need to listen to the recording to accept the call. Additionally, there will be frequent requests to "put money on my books" so your husband can buy necessary items in the prison. This process can be frustrating but is a critical part of supporting your spouse during his time in prison.

Emotional and Financial Challenges

Prison communication is not the only aspect of life that will require your attention. You can expect to face emotional and financial challenges. These include:

Financial Stress: JPay and commissary expenses can add up quickly, and if your husband is an addict, there will be additional costs to ensure his safety. This financial strain can be taxing on your overall well-being. Emotional Pain: Emotional distress in the form of pain, anger, and loneliness is common. Your letters to and from your husband will be subject to scrutiny, and there is a high likelihood of your feelings towards him changing over time. High Anxiety: Constant anxiety about his safety and well-being is a constant companion during this period. Dealing with unknowns and the possibility of disciplinary actions can be stressful and disruptive to daily life.

Furthermore, if you endure these challenges, there is a high likelihood that your relationship with your husband will change. The love and connection you shared before may not be the same, even if you chose to stay with him during his incarceration. This emotional spectrum can be challenging to navigate.

Deciding to Stay or Go

As the author so poignantly describes, the relationship that existed before incarceration is unlikely to remain the same. Before making a decision to stay, consider the following:

Evaluate the Relationship: Reflect on the changes in your relationship. Has it been maintained despite the distance and the challenges? Consider Your Future: Think about what you want in life, and whether this long-term separation aligns with your personal goals and aspirations. Seek Support: Consider talking to a therapist or support group to help you navigate these complex feelings and make an informed decision.

Conclusion

The road ahead may be challenging, but it is also an opportunity for personal growth and the rebuilding of your life. By understanding the expectations and challenges you may face, you can better prepare yourself for the journey ahead.