Navigating Family Dysfunction: A Personal Journey

Family relationships can sometimes feel like navigating a stormy sea, especially for those of us growing up in dysfunctional households. My personal experiences with family dynamics have taught me a lot about communication, conflict, and the ever-evolving relationship between parents and children.

Family Communication: A Case for Misunderstandings

When it came time for me to leave for college, I anticipated a smooth transition with minimal communication hiccups. However, my family's approach to staying connected turned out to be a web of conflicting instructions.

My Mom: "Drop a message on Whatsapp to me ONLY when you reach." My Dad: "Drop a message on Whatsapp FAMILY GROUP when you reach so that all of us may know." My Sister: "Call me and inform."

Imagine the chaos this created! Upon reaching college, I had to juggle responding to multiple channels, which led to further complications. My professor caught me using my phone in class, and I was informed I couldn’t attend the lecture, despite being miles away from them.

The irony didn’t escape me: "No one replies to my messages or answers my calls." It was like a roundabout; I’d go around and around, only to find a dead end. Eventually, I had to make an impromptu visit home to address the situation, only to be met with the universal query, "Did you reach safely today?"

Dealing with Invalidation: A Stitch in Time

A few months ago, I faced another challenge: my long hair. It had become a burden, and I yearned to cut it short, inspired by my idol, Prajakta Koli, whose bob haircut I admired. However, my mother couldn't comprehend my desire, as she believed long hair was a sign of true beauty.

I approached my mother with my problem, but her response was unwavering: "No." Determined, I sought the permission of a more powerful authority figure, my father. Introducing the analogy of a 'high court' and 'supreme court' didn't serve to sway him either. My voice quivered as I called my father, and it took immense effort to convince him. My father’s initial response was alarming:

"If you cut your hairs, you will become demons.

This was a statement that made me question the sense of his response, especially considering my age. Despite his concern, he firmly stated no, adding that I simply needed to focus on my studies. The disconnect and frustration were palpable. Is there any sense in such logical disconnects?

Reflections on Parental Expectations

My father's attitude is a common one in many households: they maintain traditional parental roles, often failing to see their children as fully grown individuals capable of making independent decisions. The statement, "Go and do your study. Don’t you have other work?" reinforces the concept that children should always seek their parents' approval, no matter their age or life stage.

The irony of my father’s response lies in his belief that I am still a "school-going girl," despite the challenges and changes in my life. This attitude can foster feelings of resentment, and it's important for parents to acknowledge and respect their children's autonomy as they grow and mature.

Living By Choice: Embracing Self-Acceptance

Despite the hurdles, I've learned to appreciate my personal journey and to embrace the choices that shape who I am. Love and self-worth are crucial in navigating these challenges. It’s important to understand that familial dysfunction is common, and it's okay to seek support and guidance to navigate through it. By fostering open communication and mutual respect, we can build stronger, healthier relationships.

Conclusion

Adolescence is a time of significant change and growth. Family dynamics can be complex, and conflicts are inevitable. However, by recognizing the emotional and developmental needs of our children, parents can foster a healthier family environment. As I move forward, I aim to hold on to self-love and acceptance, recognizing that my journey is unique and valuable.