Navigating Communication with an Autistic Adult: Insights and Advice
When reading the story of a parent asking their adult child with autism how they experience it, and the child feeling angry in response, it's important to understand that this situation is common. This article explores the challenges in communication with autistic individuals and offers practical advice on how to approach conversations.
Challenges in Communication
For many autistic individuals, including older teenagers and adults, the world is seen through their unique lens, and they have no inherent understanding of how neurotypical individuals perceive things. This can lead to frustration and anger when asked to describe their experiences in a way that others might not understand. The parent's question can come across as an attempt to generalize their child's condition, which may be offensive or irrelevant.
Impact of Poor Self-Awareness
A common symptom of autism is a lack of self-awareness, making it difficult for individuals to explain how their actions might affect others. This limited understanding often contributes to feelings of frustration and overwhelm. For instance, the author described having to explain autism to their neurotypical fiancé, a process that was not always easy or successful. This difficulty is further highlighted by the fact that even parents may not fully grasp their child's experiences, as seen in the parent's own struggle with understanding their son's autism.
Why Anger Often Arises
Anger in responses to such questions can be a manifestation of frustration. Autistic individuals may feel that asking such generalized questions is an attempt to force them into a one-size-fits-all category, which can be deeply invalidating. They might want to communicate their unique experiences and feelings but struggle to articulate them. The author's frustration is echoed in the statement, “I don't even think my own parents fully understand me either which is why I hate having autism and I wish there was a cure because I didn't ask for this. It's complete bullshit.”
Avoiding Noisy Inquiries
Another common issue is the parent's "nosy" approach to the subject. Asking about general experiences can be frustrating for the autistic individual who may feel that the parent is prying into something too personal and complex. Therefore, it's important for parents to avoid being overly inquisitive and instead observe how their autistic child responds to different situations. Parents can start by sharing their own experiences related to the situation before asking for the child's input.
Specific and Contextual Questions
Instead of a generalized question, asking about specific aspects of the child's life can be more effective. For example, the parent could say, "How do you feel when we are at the fair?" or "What do you feel like at the start of your day?" These questions allow the child to share their thoughts and feelings in a more personalized and less intimidating manner. By opening up the conversation with their own experience, the parent can create a more comfortable space for the child to share their own perspectives.
Conclusion
Poor communication and self-awareness are significant challenges for many autistic individuals. While these challenges can lead to frustration and anger, understanding and empathy can help bridge the gap between parent and child. By being mindful of communication styles and focusing on specific, relatable scenarios, parents can foster a more supportive and understanding environment.