Navigating Adult Responsibilities: Should My Full-Time Working Son Pitch In with Rent and Groceries?

As a parent, seeing your adult child living with you might raise questions about responsibility and independence. This post explores the roles, responsibilities, and potential solutions when a full-time working son or daughter doesn't pay rent or contribute towards household expenses like groceries.

Setting Boundaries and Expectations

Living with an adult child can be challenging, especially when they are not contributing financially. It's important to set clear boundaries and expectations from the start. If your son just started working full-time and you are still covering all his expenses, it may be time to reassess the situation.

Option 1: Abstain from Buying and Providing

If you want to support your son's transition into adulthood, consider not buying him food or necessities. This abrupt change can be uncomfortable initially but teaches responsibility and the value of earning income.

Research Local Housing Markets for Guidance

Option 2: Conduct Market Research - Researching local housing markets can help estimate the cost of renting a room. This average rent can serve as a benchmark to negotiate with your son. If you still have unwavering rent-free access, use the research to advocate for a fair contribution towards your home expenses.

Considering Other Options

Option 3: Evicting Your Child - If negotiations fail, evicting your child might be the next step. However, ensure that this is a last resort. Severing ties completely can have emotional and practical consequences for everyone involved.

Option 4: Grit Your Teeth - Stand firm in your decision to support your child's autonomy. Ensure that their ongoing financial dependence does not discourage them. Encourage them to focus on their goals rather than complain about the difficulty of adult life.

Practical Steps for Responsiveness

Let's look at a practical scenario. Your son has left the comfort of home and secured a full-time job. Here are some steps to take:

Honest Conversation: Discuss the financial burden with your son. Be clear about what you are paying for (rent, utilities, groceries, etc.). Agreed Contributions: Decide together on a reasonable contribution towards rent and board. If he is working minimum wage, ensure that this contribution doesn't discourage him. Perhaps, you can contribute to some extent, based on his income. Shared Responsibilities: Besides money, consider shared responsibilities like cleaning and maintenance. This can reduce the financial burden and foster a sense of teamwork.

Personal Example: Parenting Experience

My grandson lived with me from age 12 to 20. By 18, he started paying for his cell phone and any foods he wanted, not purchased by me. By 20, he started paying rent and managing his own living expenses wisely.

This experience shows that with clear expectations and early negotiations, it is possible to handle these responsibilities smoothly. He contributes to his phone and health insurance, and also supports my housing expenses with regular payments towards his rent.

Conclusion

Your son needs to transition into adulthood, and part of this transition involves contributing to household expenses. Setting clear boundaries and expectations can help both you and your son navigate this change more effectively. Whether through negotiation or other means, ensuring that he is fully aware of his responsibilities as an adult is crucial.