The Harsh Reality of Narcissistic Exes and Their Accusations
When a narcissistic ex partner starts to accuse their new supply of various behaviors, it serves as a chilling warning about the manipulative and draining nature of these relationships. Narcissists use these accusations as tools to manipulate and ultimately remove any source of emotional attachment or validation. They thrive on depleting the life force out of any supply, ensuring they are the sole focus of their partner's attention and feelings.
Accusations and Justifications: A Never-Ending Cycle
When we refer to accusations against the new supply, we are dealing with a range of behaviors that the narcissist deems 'unexpected' or 'wrong' in their eyes. These can include everything from promise-breaking to perceived infidelity. A typical example would be the narcissist saying, "You never gave me the love I needed, which is why I had an affair," or "If you had done what I asked, we would still be together."
By using these accusations, narcissists can justify their own behavior and create a narrative that absolves them of any wrongdoing. Once the current supply realizes the situation, they often see the writing on the wall and attempt to exit the relationship. The narcissist, however, is already priming for an exit, crafting a list of reasons why the relationship didn't work out, and positioning themselves as the victim. The cycle then repeats with another supply and the process continues.
The Devaluation Stage and the Search for New Supply
As the relationship with the current supply begins to wane, the narcissist enters a new phase: the devaluation stage. This is a period where the ex starts to look for an alternative supply. The initial excitement of the new relationship fades, and the narcissist begins to perceive their former partner as less perfect and more flawed. This creates an environment for the ex to accuse the new supply, devaluing both the supply and their former partner.
When a narcissist is eyeing a new supply, they will often accuse the current supply of various shortcomings or even unimplemented promises. The goal is to create discord and suspicion, making the new supply more desirable and drawing the narcissist's attention away from the former partner. This is a classic example of a vicious cycle that continues with each new partner.
The Deception and Manipulation: The Next Steps in the Cycle
To better understand the next steps in this manipulative cycle, it's crucial to recognize the role of tactics such as hoovering and triangulation. The narcissist will inevitably try to re-engage the current supply by hoovering them. This involves showering the current supply with attention, affection, and apologies to try and win them back. Simultaneously, the narcissist may attempt to triangulate the current supply with the new supply. By engaging both partners in the same space or conversation, the narcissist can exacerbate the tension and confusion, ensuring that the current supply remains under their control.
The devaluation of the current supply is a strategic move to idolize the new supply. This process of devaluation creates a constant need for the new supply to prove their worth and happiness in the relationship. The narcissist is adept at continually presenting the new supply as the victim of an unloving and uncaring former partner, thus justifying their own actions and ensuring the new supply's continued dependence.
Though it might come as a personal impact and emotional toll, the reality remains that narcissistic exes will deplete resources and start the cycle anew. The most effective way to deal with these accusations is to detach, cut ties, and avoid becoming a part of their manipulative games. Recognizing the signs and being prepared for the impending hoovering tactics can help you navigate this challenging situation and prioritize self-care and well-being.