Living with a Hoarder: How It Shaped My Adulthood and Values
Growing up in a household with a hoarder is a unique experience that often leaves a significant impact on one's adult life. In this article, I will delve into the challenges I faced and how they shaped my values and behaviors as an adult. My mother was severely hoarding and also exhibited narcissistic traits, while my father was obsessive-compulsive and an enabler. Their combined actions created a chaotic and unstable environment that influenced me profoundly.
The Hoarding Phenomenon
My mother's hoarding behavior was evident from a young age. She collected an excessive amount of clutter, making it nearly impossible to navigate her living space. The rooms in the house were filled with anything and everything, from newspapers and old clothes to random pieces of furniture. This constant state of disarray not only affected our daily lives but also blurred the lines between private and public space.
The Rollercoaster of Living with a Crazy Family
Living with such a challenging and inconsistent family dynamic was particularly difficult, especially considering my father's lack of emotional support during this time. My father's frequent travels were a mixed blessing, as he often left me to clean the house and deal with my mother's erratic behavior. Whenever he returned, the gap between his carefree attitude and my mother's angry reactions was starkly noticeable.
The Impact on My Organizational Skills
Despite the chaos and emotional turmoil, the experience of growing up in this environment inadvertently instilled in me a strong sense of organization. Organizing my own space has become a priority, and I am highly disciplined about paying bills on time and keeping my belongings in their proper places. However, it's essential to note that my organizational skills are more of a balanced approach rather than an obsessive compulsion. Unlike my older brother, who could be messy, or my younger brother, who was a hoarder, my neatness is grounded in practicality and necessity.
Consequences and Self-Reflection
As I reflect on my upbringing, I've realized that the traits developed in my household have also had a profound impact on my social and emotional well-being. The shame associated with my mother's behavior and my father's enabler role led me to isolate myself and value organization and cleanliness as a way to escape the chaos. My lack of social perceptiveness and emotional acuity are direct results of the anxious and unstable environment I grew up in.
Consequences of Bad Role Models
In my adult life, I've encountered challenges due to the lack of good role models, particularly in recognizing what a "good" person is. My father's character flaws and his narcissistic behavior set a negative standard that was difficult to overcome. This, combined with the double standards exhibited by my family, made it challenging for me to discern between positive and negative relationships. Consequently, I have a more selective approach to friendships and prioritize those who reciprocate and provide positive energy.
Learning from Experience
The lessons I've learned over the years have been invaluable. I understand the importance of having strong moral values and the right character. In my adult life, I've worked on improving my ability to judge people and am more conscious of the energy I let into my life. I avoid negative influences and surround myself with positive, supportive individuals who also strive to help one another.
Living with a hoarder taught me the value of organization and discipline. However, it also highlighted the importance of recognizing and avoiding those who lack integrity. By learning from my past, I can better navigate the challenges of adult life and build a fulfilling, positive environment for myself.