Living in a Relationship with Someone in the Military: Challenges and Strengths

Introduction:

Jason, proud Marine veteran

My wife would tell you it’s hell on earth. We were married before I joined the Marines, had two kids during my four-year enlistment, and this year celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary. Incidentally, those two kids were born in 1988 and 1991, which cost us eight and eleven years, respectively. My duty stations led to a cozy life on the West Coast and overseas, where I was introduced to a profession that I still proudly practice today. Excuse the first sentence written with humor. It’s Friday the 13th as I write this, and my name is Jason.

Challenges: Long Periods of Separation and Deployment

Be prepared for long periods of separation, especially if your loved one is stationed or deployed overseas. Long-distance relationships are inherently challenging, further complicated by time zone differences, time spent on duty, and limited communication capabilities. When away from a Forward Operating Base (FOB) and without access to phones and the internet, communication can be even more constrained, making the relationship harder to maintain.

Mental Health and Service Stress

Living under the threat of death or loss is mentally challenging, even under the best of situations. Service members, particularly those who have experienced combat or traumatic events, may return with mental health issues such as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). These experiences can significantly impact their relationships, especially with loved ones. It takes a lot of dedication and devotion to make relationships work, and it can be particularly daunting if one, or both, are serving. Be prepared and receptive to help from local and military resources, if available and needed. Family and friends are especially important; having a support network in place is key, not just for regular civilian life but especially for military life.

The Importance of Support Networks

I remember growing up, my old man was busy with his service, and my mother was busy with her civilian job. A fellow serviceman and his wife babysat me and my brother, essentially becoming like extended family. Military families have been for each other for a long time and can be a source of strength and information that can serve you well. Strong support networks, including family, friends, and fellow service members, are invaluable during challenging times.

The Specialness of Military Relationships

It is crucial to understand that your military spouse does not have a normal job. There will be times when they are unavailable for extended periods, and demanding their presence cannot be resolved with a simple, “I’m going home.” This special bond requires understanding, flexibility, and a commitment to be there, wherever life takes your spouse.

A Personal Story: Falling in Love with a Vietnamese Militia Member

While serving as a US Sailor in the Vietnamese Mekong Delta, I met and fell in love with a member of the Vietnamese Militia named Bac. Either I did a good job of fooling her, or she decided she could put up with me. We eventually married and enjoyed a wonderful and loving 48 years together. Sadly, after a long and painful illness, Bac passed away in July 2019. Bac even wrote a book about her conquest and marriage to an American Sailor Monkey, named Sam.

Good luck, and remember that your relationship with a military spouse is a unique and extraordinary journey.