Life at Home: Shared Responsibilities and Unspoken Responsibilities
Life at home is a blend of shared and unspoken responsibilities. For many, these tasks are a part of the fabric of daily life, often falling naturally into patterns shaped by love, convenience, and necessity.
Unspoken Responsibilities
As I sit here, I do the lion's share of cooking, cleaning, laundry, and other household chores. I find a certain meaning in these tasks, especially given my circumstances. Because of my disability, I don't work. The days can get somewhat routine, but I find fulfillment in these activities as my health allows.
My wife, blessed with her own career, works hard to provide for us. Upon her return from a day of work, I want her to have a moment of relief. I aim to create an atmosphere where she can unwind, enjoying a warm dinner, a soothing bath, or perhaps a relaxing massage. Whatever she needs, I am here to assist, ensuring she has a carefree evening.
It's important to note that my involvement in these tasks is not due to a list of responsibilities, but rather a desire to help and contribute. My wife has never asked or explicitly demanded me to take on these roles. She is the kind of person who believes in partnership, where support is given out of mutual love and respect, without the need for obligations.
Responsibilities That Become Unspoken
Life for us is further shaped by the responsibilities that become unspoken. We live in a world where one partner often carries the bulk of the 'house and home' burdens, and this is no different for us.
For 38 years, my wife and I have maintained a partnership where we both take care of our individual spaces, despite the tasks varying. We both clean up after ourselves, though I do the deep cleaning every so often. The yard, mostly taken care of by my husband, is a space we both cherish and maintain together.
Combined, we handle the laundry, with the occasional help from my wife when her schedule allows. The kitchen is a shared domain, where I focus on the cooking and he takes the lead on grilling. Our home is more than just a house, it's a sanctuary for our pets and a place that requires constant care. We have a mini farm with 17 hens, 10 turkeys, a goat named Gertrude, an American Guinea hog Bella, a 7-year-old fox hound named Princess Penelope, two huge goldfish named Stevie and Lindsey. Managing these pets and the farm falls largely on my shoulders when he's working his 24-hour shift at EMS, which he does only 6-7 days a month.
Our days are filled with shopping, with 90% of the essential shopping done by me, and my husband making the occasional trip to the Tractor Supply for farm feed, usually every 6-8 weeks. This includes all the tasks related to maintaining and caring for our mini farm.
Life After Health Challenges
Some years ago, my wife had a stroke, and the dynamics of our household shifted. Tasks that were once shared are now more divided. Cooking and cleaning, some laundry, and daily maintenance like sweeping and vacuuming fall to me daily. There are moments when she can help, and we value her contribution. Yard work, however, is more limited due to her recent heart attack. We have sought help from some neighbors, and we have even hired a bi-weekly cleaner to come in for a few hours.
Through it all, we strive to maintain a balance, ensuring that the home is a place where we both feel supported and cared for. The underlying principle remains the same - we are in this together, with responsibilities that sometimes merge into the fabric of our partnership.
The journey has been challenging, but the love and support we have for each other keep us going. Our shared responsibilities, whether spoken or unspoken, are a testament to the strength of our partnership.