Lessons Rescued from the Past: Reflections on Life's Unrepeatable Moments
Reflecting on the past is a profound process that often reveals invaluable lessons. Here are some of the irreconcilable truths and deeply personal reflections that I carry with me:
1. The Decision Not to Depend on a Ladder
It was a blindingly bright morning, and I found myself standing on an ill-fated ladder, ten feet up attempting to repair old-time plaster after a water leak. I remember the accident vividly, despite the pain that came afterward. I was so engrossed in my task that I simply forgot I was on the ladder. The moment brought me back to Earth, and I learned a potent lesson that safety should always be a constant. This experience has forever changed the way I approach risks and makes me more cautious in all areas of life.
2. The Decision to Marry: A Controversial Choice
The decision to get married can be both bittersweet and controversial. While some people hold weddings as gateways to endless happiness, I found it more akin to a societal ritual. I often wondered if marriage was a scam designed to give women an advantage, as they bear the brunt of financial responsibilities without the corresponding benefits. Even though my marriage didn't thrive, I cannot change that past experience, and it taught me the importance of financial independence and self-reliance.
Marriage has its downsides. The husband carries the weight of debt, which is heavy, but without any reciprocal benefits. This realization has sculpted my current stance on financial planning and spacing – I am more careful about commitments and consider the long-term financial implications.
3. Running: The Freedom of Mobility and the Consequences of Time
There was a time in my life when endurance was a hallmark of my being. From running through the streets of East Molesey, to the expansive pathways of Hyde Park, to the rugged terrains of San Sebastian, and even to the mountains of Tirol, Austria, my legs carried me through each journey. However, as I entered my late twenties, the years took their toll. My legs and knees began to protest, and running became a distant memory. The most that today is left for me is a gentle stroll, where I can savor the present and find solace in the rhythm of movement.
I often recite Hymns or other forms of poetry, as it allows me to connect with the beauty of the world around me. Even though I can't run, I relish the beautiful walks, where my body undulates like wind-swayed daffodils. The wind hums a melody, singing phrases like 'If the sun should stumble from the sky' or 'Starry starry night,' reminding me of the fleeting nature of life.
4. The Trust Issues: Love and Relationships
Trust is a fragile bridge that, once broken, is hard to mend. My decision to cohabit or be romantically involved with a male in the past was a leap of faith that no longer holds the same promise. Following a series of events that resulted in the loss of my trust, I vowed never to place myself in a similar situation again. The financial strain, combined with the emotional and psychological damage, made this decision necessary for my survival.
Especially in this age of information and heightened awareness, it's essential to be mindful of the trust practices you value and preserve. Loving and being loved has become an effort for me, but I take solace in the moments that matter, like a walk or a quiet conversation. I hope that where I am now is where I need to be, as God has a plan for me. I reaffirm my love to the companions who have made it to this part of my journey.
Final Thoughts
Life is a series of choices, and these choices are often the ones we wouldn't change, even if we could. From breaking the ladder to being wary of marriage and trust, each experience shapes us in ways unseen. But as painful as these lessons were, they have granted me greater resilience, understanding, and a truly meaningful appreciation for the moments I get to live.