Is It Appropriate to Give Gifts at a Memorial Service?

After experiencing the loss of a loved one, attending a memorial service can be a deeply emotional and sometimes confusing experience. The level of comfort extended to guests—including the propriety of giving gifts—varies widely. This article explores this practice, sharing perspectives from those who have been through the experience and offering insights into what might make memorial services more meaningful.

Experience and Perspective

When my wife’s funeral took place, there were no gifts. Instead, a buffet at a local pub was arranged by my three sons. At the time, I couldn’t care less! Thankfully, they looked after me—my grief was overwhelming. I left early and walked half a mile home. Gifts were not welcome in that moment; I would have thrown them as far as I could in the graveyard. I have been invited several times by the church to attend memorial services, but being an atheist, I politely declined. My wife lives on in my memory, and I don’t need memorial gifts.

Non-Expectation and Gratitude

I've never heard of the grieving family giving out gifts at a loved one's memorial service. In the midst of their grief, it seems too much to ask for the bereaved family to consider little extras. However, in my area, a memorial card with a prayer or poem is typically provided for attendees to take home with them. This gesture acknowledges the support and remembrance without adding to the emotional burden.

Cultural Variations

Some cultures have unique practices for memorial services, such as distributing cards with pictures of saints or angels. In such societies, the presence of specific symbols can provide comfort and a sense of connection to the deceased. Ultimately, the choice of actions during a memorial service should reflect the bereaved family's wishes and cultural background.

Gentle Commemoration

When my stepdad died, each person who wanted to take something home was given a small angel pin, a nice gesture because he was a prayerful person. Praying hands are another meaningful memento. If you have something small that resonates with the person who has passed, placing it in a basket and inviting guests to take one before they leave can be a thoughtful and personalized touch.

In general, a grieving family is not generally expected to take the time or bear the expense of handing out funeral souvenirs. It can feel rather tacky, but the spirit of the gesture should prioritize the comfort and remembrance of the deceased and their loved ones.

Conclusion

Whether or not to give gifts at a memorial service is a deeply personal decision. Consider the wishes of the bereaved family, the cultural context, and the emotional state of those in attendance. A meaningful gesture can provide solace and keep the memory of the departed alive, but it should be done thoughtfully and with empathy.