INFJs and the Misunderstandings: Debunking Common Perceptions about Most People
Introduction
As an INFJ, one often nurtures a deep empathy and a strong belief in the inherent goodness of others, leading to a myriad of misunderstandings. This article aims to explore these common perceptions and provide insights on how INFJs can navigate these challenges more effectively.
Overestimating Others' Emotional Dependence on Us
A common misconception for INFJs is the belief that every individual relies heavily on their emotional support. However, it is a stark reality that most people can thrive without this constant support and intervention. They possess the resilience to cope with life's challenges on their own, and their capacity for self-sufficiency should not be underestimated.
Example of Misunderstanding
INFJs often feel guilty if they are unable to come to someone's rescue, believing that the other person's well-being is heavily dependent on their actions. This mindset can lead to unnecessary stress and a sense of responsibility that is unwarranted.
ldquo;We think they’d struggle or be miserable if we didn’t come to their rescue every time. But you know what really happens if we don’t help or are unable to? They survive. They don’t fall victim to an apocalypse. They wind up being just fine.rdquo;
Addressing the Burden of Repeated Dwelling on Traumatic Events
INFJs tend to dwell on hurtful words and actions for extended periods, replaying them in their minds and endlessly analyzing what could have been done differently. This type of rumination can be detrimental to both the INFJ's mental health and their relationships with others. It is crucial to recognize that most people do not carry these events as heavily as the INFJ does.
Example of Misunderstanding
The passive-aggressive behavior, or the hurtful words that were thrown around, can be draining for an INFJ, but it is important to remember that these events may not affect others as profoundly. Often, they may have long since moved on from the incident.
ldquo;Those hurtful words that were thrown around, the passive aggressiveness, the condescending or rude comments that someone made to us. We’ll dwell on them for days, weeks, months, even years. We keep ruminating over them, replaying them in our minds as if the repeat button is stuck. We obsess over what they said, what we should have said, what we think they meant, what feelings we wanted to convey but ultimately didn’t.rdquo;
The Value and Overlooking of Kindness
INFJs often remember kind gestures profoundly, cherishing them and seeking to repay them whenever the opportunity arises. However, it is common for others to dismiss or minimize such gratitude. This disparity can lead to feelings of inadequacy and frustration for the INFJ. It is important to understand that while the INFJ may place immense value on human kindness, most people may not take these acts to heart as deeply.
Example of Misunderstanding
A kind gesture from someone can significantly impact an INFJ, and they may feel a deep appreciation for it. However, when expressing their gratitude, it is often shrugged off or downplayed. This situation highlights the difference in how the INFJ and others value and interpret acts of kindness.
ldquo;The kind gesture that someone did for us was so nice to be on the receiving end for once. We feel a deep appreciation and it restores our faith that humanity is not forlorn, and that kindness still exists. Yet, we keep the gesture close to our hearts and seek to repay the kindness when the opportunity arises. When we express our gratitude, it is shrugged off or minimized.rdquo;
Deeper Insight into Human Nature
Many INFJs struggle to understand that while they may be highly attuned to the emotional nuances of others, this trait is not universally shared. Most people do not have the same level of emotional depth and introspection, and they do not always mean exactly what they say. This realization can be a significant shift in perspective for INFJs.
Example of Misunderstanding
INFJs often give their word with full commitment and belief that others will do the same. However, it takes time for them to realize that not everyone shares the same level of faith in words and intentions.
ldquo;I was nearly forty years old before I realized that most people don't think the same way I do. Very few people mean exactly what they say, and even fewer can be taken at face value or have the courage to be openly 100 percent authentic and uniquely themselves 24/7. If I give my word, you can bet every penny you have that I will do my very best to make sure I follow through on it. Even though I can read them better than they can themselves, I never had any less faith in their words or intentions because I have always believed that most people are good by nature and would not intentionally hurt anyone.rdquo;
Conclusion
The journey of understanding others and ourselves is ongoing for INFJs. By recognizing and addressing these common misunderstandings, INFJs can foster more harmonious and meaningful relationships. Embracing the differences and nuances of human behavior can lead to a more balanced and fulfilling life.