How to Handle a Hostile Adult Child Who Refuses Household Responsibilities Without Permission
Every household, no matter the size or the residents' ages, operates best when there is cooperation and teamwork. However, when an adult child takes a hostile attitude when given household responsibilities without their permission, it can be challenging for parents to navigate this situation. This article provides guidance on how to handle such a scenario effectively and maintain a healthy home environment.
The Underlying Conflict
The root of the issue often lies in a lack of mutual respect or understanding between the parent and the adult child. It's essential to recognize that a household is not a place for an individual to demand the right to live as they please, without responsibilities. If an adult child becomes hostile when given chores they were not prepared for, it is a sign that changes are needed, and the parent may need to take more decisive action.
Understanding the Adult Child
It's crucial to recognize the age and maturity level of the adult child in question. Are they still an 18-year-old teenager who is lacking in life skills and responsibilities, or are they a 30-year-old adult who has been living with parents for far too long and is no longer fulfilling their role within the household?
18-year-olds who are still in high school or recently graduated may need stricter rules and guidelines set by their parents. Conversely, adult children who have reached 30 and are living at home without fulfilling their responsibilities should be treated more like adults. This means they understand the expectations and should not need explicit permission for house rules and responsibilities.
Setting Clear Expectations
For young adults, a conversation about household responsibilities can be more of a discussion rather than an outright demand. For adult children, however, it shifts to a demand for compliance. If your adult child refuses the assigned chores, it's time to give them notice that these responsibilities are non-negotiable, and a timeline to fulfill them or find other living arrangements.
It is important to give them a 30-day notice, during which they can either resolve the issue or begin making other living arrangements. If they do not comply, it might be necessary to take the final step and evict them. Do not allow yourself to be bullied by this adult child. They must understand that a house is not a place to impose their demands but to fulfill their responsibilities.
Consequences and Safety Measures
Should the adult child refuse to do any household chores, strongly suggest that they immediately leave your household and set up their own space. Next time they leave, you might consider changing the locks or putting in place measures to prevent them from re-entering the home without permission.
If the situation becomes violent or threatening, it is crucial to call the police and have the adult child removed from your home. This can be a correct step to take if you or anyone else in the household feels threatened. It is also advisable to take legal action if your adult child has committed any illegal acts within your home.
Remember, your home is a safe and welcoming environment, and it should not be used as a place to disregard rules and responsibilities. "This is my house, and you will follow my rules as long as you live here. If you don't want to do simple chores here, then you can go find your own place to live and not clean anything over there.” If they have already shown violent behavior, seize the opportunity to address the situation.