Guidelines for Addressing a Pastor and Their Spouse: Formal and Informal Situations

Addressing a pastor and their spouse properly can vary based on the context and cultural norms of the community they serve. Whether you're addressing a formal envelope, drafting an email, or engaging in personal conversation, knowing how to respectfully address them is crucial.

Understanding the Nomenclature

It's important to understand the various titles and conventions used to address pastors and their spouses. In Texas, for example, the congregation might refer to a pastor as Brother Pete and the spouse as Miss Cindy. However, in more formal settings, terms like Reverend, Pastor, or even Doctor might be used. For some Hispanic communities, the term Father or Padre might be more commonly used, even if the pastor wasn't ordained.

Formal Envelopes

When writing formal correspondence such as letters or emails, the titles and names should be carefully considered to ensure respect and accuracy:

1. Use the Title and Name

For a male pastor named John Smith with a spouse named Jane Doe, follow these steps:

Pastor and his spouse: The Rev’d Pastor John Smith and Mrs. Jane Smith If both are pastors and share a name: The Rev’d Pastor Jane Smith and Rev’d Pastor John Smith

2. Include Degrees for Doctorates

For a male pastor with a Ph.D. named Mark Jones, write:

The Rev’d Dr. Mark Jones and Mrs. Jane Jones

3. Address the Spouse Separately

The spouse’s title and name should be clearly stated:

If the pastor is male: The Rev’d Pastor John Smith and Mr. John Doe If the pastor is female: The Rev’d Pastor Mary Smith and Mrs. Jane Doe

4. Consider African-American Congregations

In some black churches, the term Elder Mrs. Jones might be used, which would follow the pattern:

Male Pastor with wife in black church: The Rev’d Elder John Smith and Elder Jane Smith

5. Military Ranks and Envelopes

If the spouse is a member of the armed forces, their rank should appear before the pastor’s title:

Colonel and Pastor: Colonel Smith and the Rev’d Pastor John Smith

Sending Emails or Other Casual Correspondence

When sending emails or casual letters, the rules are often more relaxed, but it’s still important to show respect for the pastor and their spouse:

1. Use Appropriate Titles

For a male Protestant pastor, Reverend might be used. If you prefer a more casual approach, you can abbreviate it as Rev.:

Reverend Max Dunton: Rev. Max Dunt

2. Address the Spouse Normally

After the pastor’s title, use common titles such as Mr., Mrs., Ms., or Dr. with the spouse’s full name:

The Rev’d Pastor John Smith and Ms. Jane Doe

3. Consider the Faith Tradition

If you’re unsure of the pastor’s faith tradition but know they are married, assume they are Protestant unless they are Catholic. For example:

Protestant Pastor with a wife of the same last name: The Rev’d Pastor John Smith and Ms. Jane Smith

Talking in Person

When in person, the level of formality can vary depending on the relationship and the setting:

1. Casual but Respectful

Use a combination of titles and first names to show respect and ease. For example, if the pastor is Jill Shannon, you might address them:

Reverend Jill Shannon: Pastor Jill

2. Family Congregations

In more familial settings, it might be appropriate to use first names:

Calling a Pastor Jill by her first name: Rev. Jill

3. Addressing Catholic Priests

Catholic priests are typically addressed as Father, while their spouses are addressed with Mr., Mrs., or Ms. In some instances, the clergy title might be preferred:

Father Michael and his spouse: Father Michael and Mrs. Jane Garcia

4._SWITCH to First Name If Requested

Always respect the choice of the pastor and their spouse. If they request to be called by their first name, you should follow suit:

If the pastor requests to be called Joel: Joel and his wife Jane