Gender Etiquette on the Pavement: A Discussion on Manners and Sexism
The question of how to behave on the pavement has been a subject of debate for quite some time. When a man approaches you to make room on the pavement, is it simply a matter of good manners, or is it a form of sexism? This article explores the nuances of this issue and provides insights into how we can navigate these situations with dignity and respect.
Understanding the Context of Pavement Etiquette
My husband, a 61-year-old man, was taught by his mother to always walk between a woman and passing cars. He explains, 'If any dirt or water is thrown up or if a car leaves the road, the man gets the worst of it.' This behavior is not unintentional but rather a manifestation of a more traditional gender role. Such practices are rooted in a culture where men are expected to protect women from potential harm.
He and others also practice this courtesy for elderly men and disabled individuals. It's like offering to give up a seat on a bus for those who need it most. To many, this behavior is seen as respectful and gentlemanly. However, to others, it can come across as demanding and potentially sexist.
Is This Behavior Sexist?
The argument that this behavior is not sexist but a matter of good manners hinges on the perspective that men are simply trying to be considerate and protective. However, many women and advocates for gender equality view this as a form of control and sexism. Critics argue that when a man demands that a woman stay on the inside of the pavement, he's not merely offering a gesture of kindness but is making a demand on her behavior and autonomy.
One common argument against such behavior is the idea that it forces women into a passive role and takes away their freedom to navigate their environment as they see fit. Some women feel more empowered when they can walk confidently and independently, making them feel as though they are not constantly needing a man to protect them or make decisions for them.
Recommendations for Both Men and Women
If the demand to stay on the inside does indeed feel like a form of sexism to you, it may be helpful to address the issue in a manner that both respects the intentions and accommodates your preferences.
1. Communicate Your Comfort Level: If a man approaches you to make room, you can simply thank him for his concern and continue walking as you see fit. Alternatively, you could politely acknowledge his gesture and continue your path. If you find this behavior offensive, you can also communicate this to him, suggesting a more balanced approach.
2. Practice Self-Assurance: If you feel uncomfortable, you might try practicing self-confidence and walking straight ahead, which can help break the routine and make the other person feel a bit uncomfortable. However, it's important to remember that this should not become confrontational. The goal is to find a balance that respects both parties.
3. Foster a Culture of Respect: For those who believe in this traditional form of etiquette, it's worth considering how their actions may be perceived by others. Encouraging a culture of respect and mutual consideration can create a more inclusive and affirming environment.
Personal Experiences and Perspectives
From my own experience, using the pavement in a manner where one makes way for someone approaching, especially if there is ample space, seems to be more about respecting personal boundaries and preferences. If you walk calmly with a ‘me-first’ attitude, people are generally accommodating. Much like in water, where you can easily move to make space for someone, on the pavement, people can often part just by walking naturally and not feeling a need to accommodate someone else.
André’s experiences as a white man navigating dangerous areas alone highlight the importance of self-confidence and assertiveness. Even in the most challenging situations, maintaining confidence can protect you better than conformity or submission.
Ultimately, the key to navigating this issue is understanding and respecting different perspectives. While traditional manners rooted in protection may be culturally significant, it’s equally important to recognize the potential for these practices to be perceived as controlling or sexist. By fostering open communication and mutual respect, we can create a more inclusive and respectful environment for everyone.
Conclusion
The issue of gender etiquette on the pavement is complex and multifaceted. Whether it's seen as a matter of manners or a form of sexism depends largely on one's perspective. By engaging in open and respectful dialogue, we can work towards a more inclusive and balanced approach to these interactions, ensuring that everyone feels valued and respected.