How to Find the Perfect Roommate for an Elderly Lady: A Cost-Effective and Supportive Solution

While seeking out a younger person to live with an elderly relative can be a challenging task, it can offer a significant benefit in terms of emotional support and occasional assistance while only requiring a fraction of the cost of professional care.

One approach is to identify individuals who are willing to provide light assistance in exchange for partial rent. This can include college students, particularly those studying healthcare-related fields like nursing, as well as foreign students used to living with their family due to cultural reasons.

A Personal Experience: Hiring a College Student for Agreement-Based Care

After the sudden passing of my father, whom the hospital had mistakenly labeled as terminal, we found ourselves in a daunting situation. My mother, left to process her grief and severe emotional distress, needed more constant companionship and support than our visits and phone calls could provide. When my father was labeled hospice and sent home, we met a young woman who would visit twice a week to bathe him. Over time, we became friends, and after my father's passing, she stayed in touch with us.

Recognizing her selfless act and her potential value as a permanent companion, I decided to approach my mother about the idea of her living in our home while she pursued her studies. She was from Colombia, attending college locally. The arrangement was straightforward: she would provide companionship in exchange for a reduced rent, while I would maintain a regular visitation schedule to help ensure my mother remained stable emotionally and physically.

The Arrangement That Worked

This isn't to imply that finding such a perfect roommate is without its challenges. The key aspects of this arrangement included:

Social Company: The individual should be someone who can offer companionship and engage in light social activities with the elderly person. Limited Assistance: While occasional help with tasks like preparing light meals or tidying up might be accommodated, the focus should remain on the social component. Cultural Adaptability: Foreign students or those from different cultural backgrounds might be particularly valuable as they can bring unique perspectives and experiences to the situation. Emotional Stability: Both parties should have a consensus on meeting the individual's educational and personal obligations, and maintaining a balanced lifestyle. Regular Communication: Regular contact with the elderly person can help ensure that the arrangement remains meaningful for both parties.

The Practicalities of the Arrangement

My mother continued her volunteer work and visited with the young woman several days a week. They would have breakfast together in the morning and dinner together in the evening. In the evenings, they would watch TV or visit as a means of keeping the house feeling warm and lived-in.

Importantly, this roommate was solely responsible for her room's cleanliness, keeping the kitchen and bathroom tidy, and cleaning up after herself. This minimized our responsibilities and allowed my mother to focus on her recovery and emotional well-being.

This arrangement worked well for over five years until the young woman graduated with her Bachelors and Masters. She remained part of our family circle, attending all family functions and deepening her connections with our extended family.

Although this isn't a professional care solution, it provided a cost-effective and emotionally supportive environment for my mother during a crucial time in her life. By leveraging the commitments of a dedicated and caring individual, we were able to provide much-needed companionship and support, while also creating a warm and welcoming atmosphere in our home.

Considerations and Tips

When seeking out such an arrangement, it's essential to set clear expectations and agreements from the outset. Ensure that both parties have a mutual understanding of their roles and responsibilities. Regular check-ins and communication can help maintain the harmony of the arrangement.

Additionally, it's crucial to choose someone who can bring a positive and supportive presence to the household. While a college student or a foreign student may be ideal, it's important to consider their compatibility with the elderly person and the potential impact of their presence on the daily life of the household.

In summary, while traditional professional caregiving or assistance can be a necessary and valuable option, finding a suitable and caring individual to live with an elderly relative can provide a realistic, cost-effective, and emotionally enriching alternative. By leveraging the support and companionship of a dedicated individual, we can create a supportive and loving environment that promotes the well-being of the elderly person while also providing a fulfilling experience for the roommate.