Exploring Identity: From Dark Moments to Rediscovery

I remember the stark contrast between my 10th and 11th grade years. Back in 10th, I was enveloped in a veil of depression and loneliness. I felt isolated and misunderstood, with no one to turn to. This period was my 'how did my life become this moment', a stark reminder of the darkness I felt. However, transitioning to a new school in 11th grade changed everything. I met a group of friends who were both supportive and nourishing, helping me rediscover my joy. I laugh, I feel happy, and I realized that I was being pulled from my darkness into a world of light. This was a monumental moment for me, marking my path towards healing and self-discovery.

Embracing Diversity in Shoes

Beyond just the shifting emotions, one of the physical representations of my journey towards self-love and acceptance is how I choose to wear my shoes. I challenge the traditional norms by running in different types of footwear: stilettos, combat boots, and even barefoot. The reasons? To defy expectations and prove that one has the freedom and capability to do so. This physical act symbolizes my battles with self-doubt and showcases a part of my journey towards embracing my unique self.

The What Have I Become Moment

One of my more challenging 'what have I become' moments occurred last year in June. I delved into a therapeutic modality called Parts Therapy. This therapy suggests that we are comprised of multiple sub-personalities or parts, each with different characteristics and emotions. For instance, someone might have an 'inner critic' or an 'inner child'. At the time, I felt deeply inadequate and wanted to improve, so I believed that Parts Therapy could help me connect with my positive and confident aspects.

However, my experience quickly spiraled out of control. I identified too much with one of these parts, wanting to embody the 'sexy, wild, untamed punk-rock' version of myself. This led to drastic changes in my personality: I started cursing like a sailor, wore more piercings, and spoke in a lower voice. These changes were not me, but rather an exaggerated version of what I thought I should be. I let my sexual side run wild, becoming disrespectful and invasive of others. I became obsessed with sexuality, feeling like a pair of studded leather in a world of jeans.

The reality hit me hard. Falling into an identity crisis and losing sight of my original intentions, I realized that I had let myself become someone I wasn't. Thankfully, my friend and psychotherapist helped me find my way back. She reminded me of who I am, my strength, and the need for genuine love and support. This conversation was a wake-up call, and the subsequent process of healing and rediscovery began. I was able to accept and love myself for who I am, flaws and all, recognizing that sometimes we need to mess up to find our true selves.

This experience was not just a journey of self-discovery but also a reminder of the importance of supporting and reassuring ourselves in our everyday lives. Here is my story. What is yours?