Encouraging Adult Children to Call More Often: Tips and Techniques

Have you ever felt a sense of longing when your adult children don't call as often as you'd like? If so, you're not alone. Many parents experience these feelings, and the good news is, there are practical steps you can take to encourage more communication. Understanding the psychology behind why adult children might avoid frequent calls can help you navigate this situation more effectively.

Understand the Reasons Behind Limited Communication

The number one reason many adult children don't call their parents more often is because they feel their parents are overstepping boundaries by offering unsolicited advice. As a parent, it's natural to want to guide and shape your child's life, but once your child reaches adulthood, it's important to recognize that their autonomy is paramount. Talking about their life involves respecting their decisions and allowing them the space to make their own choices.

Delete: when a child becomes an adult 18 years of age it is no longer a parents job to try and guide and shape them. It is a parents job to accept them and love them unconditionally and realize that we push people away when we try to tell them what they should be doing differently.

Instead, focus on offering guidance only when specifically asked for. If they are seeking your advice on something, you can share your perspective but avoid offering a prescriptive solution. For instance, you could say, "Well, what has worked for me has been..."

Encouraging Healthy Communication Through Empathy and Validation

To truly encourage more frequent communication, consider the following tips:

Express Your Feelings: Let your children know that you value their calls and those moments. You might say, "I always love our conversations and miss hearing from you."

Share Your Perspective: Explain why their calls are meaningful to you. For example, "Hearing from you brightens my day and helps me feel connected to you."

Make It Easy: Suggest a regular time for calls. Phrases like, "Would you be open to setting a time each week to catch up," can help establish a routine.

Be Understanding: Acknowledge the busyness of their lives. Say, "I know you have a lot going on, but even a quick call would mean a lot to me."

Encourage Sharing: Ask them to share updates about their lives. This can enhance the conversation and make it feel more engaging. Instead of asking about specific details, use phrases like, "What's been going on?"

Use Humor: Lighten the mood with a bit of humor. Something like, "I promise not to ask too many questions about your love life if you call me!" can make the conversation more inviting.

Follow Up: If they do call more often, express your appreciation. A simple, "I really enjoyed our chat today," reinforces positive behavior.

Healthier Communication Strategies

When they do call, strive for empathetic and non-critical communication. Encourage them to express their feelings and validate their experiences. When they talk about their life or difficult situations, simply reflect back what you hear without judgment. For example, you can say, "It sounds like..." to indicate you are listening and understand their perspective.

Avoid pointing out how they should be doing things differently, as this can come across as criticism, even if it's well-intended.

Conclusion

Through open and kind conversations, parents can create a supportive environment that encourages more frequent communication with their adult children. By expressing your feelings, understanding their perspective, and fostering a space where they feel heard and supported, you can strengthen your relationship and enjoy more meaningful interactions.