Covert Narcissists and Their Tactic of Recurrence: Understanding Why They Return

In the aftermath of exposing a covert narcissist, many individuals find themselves dealing with a familiar pattern: the return of the narcissist. This phenomenon is not merely due to weakness or an inability to move on, but rather a deeply ingrained characteristic of the narcissistic personality.

Diving into the Psychology of Covert Narcissists

Covert narcissists, similar to overt ones, do not readily abandon their targets. Instead, they may go into a period of silence, only to resurface when the conditions are right. Unlike open displays of their self-centered behavior, covert narcissists often present as charming and sympathetic, making it difficult to identify their true intentions.

These individuals recycle, so if their significant other attempts no contact or moves on, the covert narcissist might embark on a relentless pursuit. Their ultimate goal is often to either win back the person or to exact revenge by making them regret revealing their true nature. The overarching mindset is one of control and manipulation, underpinned by a chronic need for validation and supply.

Understanding the Covert Narcissist’s Motivations

Their return is not driven by genuine remorse or a desire for closure. Instead, they return because they cannot let go of the control they felt in the relationship. Covert narcissists rely heavily on the person they have targeted as a source of supply. When that source is removed, they either seek to regain it or replace it by reestablishing contact and recreating the familiar dynamic.

Their actions are not a sign of love or repentance but rather a strategic move to reassert dominance and control. The narcissist does not care about your feelings or your well-being; their primary concern is maintaining their delusional self-image and exerting power over others.

What to Expect After Exposure

Crystal’s advice, ‘He has an agenda to punish you and make you pay for the pain you brought upon him by serving up the truth. Do not take him back. RUN AWAY FAR AND FAST!!!’ holds true for many relationships with covert narcissists. The narcissist will not be satisfied with simply going away; they will eventually seek to reengage, either in a covert manner or through overt manipulation.

The process of recovery is crucial. After unveiling the covert narcissist, your focus should be on self-healing and moving forward. Ignoring your own emotional well-being to try and win the narcissist back only prolongs the healing process and increases the risk of further harm. Accept that the relationship is toxic and step away to rebuild a healthier life and self-esteem.

Preparing for Their Return

Expect the covert narcissist to use manipulative tactics to draw you back into their orbit. They are relentless and will employ various strategies to regain control. Whether it’s through charm, manipulation, or more overt actions, the narcissist aims to reassert their dominance and control over you. This can happen weeks or even months after the initial breakup, as they wait for an opportune moment.

Their return is often unapologetic and cold, as they seek to relive their past high and maintain their delusional self-image. They do not offer explanations or sincere apologies, reinforcing the idea that their actions are aimed at reasserting power rather than genuine remorse. The narcissist thrives on your reactions and can use these to continue the cycle of abuse and manipulation.

While it’s tempting to seek validation or to believe that the relationship can be fixed, it’s essential to understand that the covert narcissist has no interest in a healthy relationship. Their constant need for control and manipulation is rooted in their underlying pathological issues.

Conclusion: Covert narcissists return not because they’ve changed or because they truly care, but because they cannot let go of the power dynamics and control inherent in the relationship. Their return is a manifestation of their need to recreate the familiar dynamic and maintain their delusional self-image. Remember to focus on your own healing and growth, and do not underestimate the patience and persistence of the covert narcissist in seeking to disrupt your life once again.

For more resources on navigating these complex dynamics, consider the following:

The Most Scientifically-Validated Techniques for Getting Your Ex Back Further reading: Narcissism 101: Understanding the Psychology and Behavior of Narcissists