Confidence Building: Strategies to Overcome Shyness in Daily Life
The internet can be a scary place to work on overcoming shyness. You tend to spend a lot of time reading horrible advice from people who haven’t actually dealt with shyness or social anxiety at all. This means a lot of “just get over it” and having your situation compared to somebody else’s. Shyness doesn’t work that way. The “just get over it” mentality vastly compounds the issue by training the lower levels of your brain that you actually should be shy and timeframes for dealing with shyness vary pretty widely.
I speak from experience here. I spent years wasting away my life watching people around me have a social and dating life. I regret how long it took me to improve things for myself but when I eventually did it was because I learned from someone who actually knew what they were talking about. I started with this: I won’t tell you how to live your life just don’t do what I did and waste years away alone.
How to Appear More Confident
Today I'm going to teach you how to appear more confident. While I'm not teaching you this stuff just so you can become some sleazy pickup artist, I know how important even a little bit of confidence can be in everyday situations, whether it's negotiating with your boss for a raise, buying a car, giving a presentation, or meeting your fiancés parents.
Improving Your Posture
If you can develop good posture, a trait that always seems to bypass nerds, you'll appear approximately 145% more confident within seconds. I definitely made up that stat by the way. If you have trouble pulling your shoulder blades back, try doing two back exercises, such as lat pull downs and dumbbell rows, for every one chest exercise in your workout. This will build up the muscles in your upper back and allow you to actually pull those shoulder blades back together. Want something easier? Try standing with your heels, butt, and head against a wall and then pull your shoulder blades back until they're touching the wall too. Do this daily and increase the length of the stretch each time.
Sitting Properly in a Chair
If you spend all day in a chair, try this: sit down in your chair and then stand back up without having to rock forward. If you have to lean forward even slightly, you're doing it wrong. Sit straight up as if you're always ready to stand without having to lean forward. Your lower back will probably get tired as hell sitting like this because it's not used to the new position. Work on it. Do planks every other day, working your way up to two minutes, and you'll have a rock-solid core and incredibly strong lower back.
The Hardest Step: Practicing Good Posture
This is probably the hardest step of all as you've probably spent years and years developing poor posture without even thinking about it. Spend a month making a conscientious effort to have better posture, however, and you'll be well on your way to a more confident appearance. Pretty soon you won't even have to think about it!
Practicing Public Speaking
I am terrified of public speaking. Seriously, I hate being in front of even a small crowd. However, at my old job, I was put on stage in front of thousands of people to introduce bands, and I sounded like I belonged up there. How did I do it? By taking a deep breath, slowing down, and practicing. I still get really nervous, but I've learned to manage it so well that nobody notices.
The Importance of Slowing Down
What's the importance of slowing down? When you get nervous, your voice tends to go up a few notes and you'll talk faster than you realize. These are two dead ringers for scaredy cats. If you get nervous in front of people, no matter how big or small the group, talk slower than you think you need to. Remember to breathe. In your head, it might seem way too slow, but out loud, it's just right.
Smiling Correctly
Don't know how to smile correctly? Stand in front of a mirror, close your eyes, and look down. Look up, smile, and open your eyes at the same time. See that smile right there? THAT'S a genuine smile. Just like Butters.
Looking Someone in the Eye
Unless you work at home in your underwear and only interact with your cat, my day is way different than that. Shut up; you probably have quite a few conversations with people on a daily basis. When was the last time you looked somebody in the eye until they looked away first? If you're like me, you've probably always been the first to flinch. Look someone in the eye until they flinch first. It's a powerful way to demonstrate your confidence.
By following these strategies, you can start to build more confidence in your daily life, even in the face of situations that previously seemed daunting. Remember, the journey to confidence is not about perfection, but about consistent effort and improvement. Start small, and don't give up. You've got this!